The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thought I would let you know about some progress I have been making. Yesterday I was angry, so angry. Angry when I left AH in the morning - the last thing I told him was the smell of alcohol made me sick to my stomach and I was beginning to fall out of love with him because of his drinking.
Well, I carried that anger with me to work, and was very irritable and someone asked me if I was okay. I prayed on my lunch hour for God to help me and take away that anger, that disappointment, to be calm and patient with his plan and to help me to treat others in my path with respect and compassion, (they don't know what is going on in my life!). I came back into work with a new calm attitude.
I then decided to go to a Weight Watchers meeting, instead of sit at home waiting for AH. I was going to just weigh in and leave, but decided to stay for the meeting. I am so glad that I did! It was a meeting pretty much about living in the moment, and enjoying the journey of life instead of worrying about what you will do when you get to your goal. What an uplifting thing, and I felt TONS better for going, and for just doing something for myself. I then went to a F2F ALANOn meeting that was wonderful.
I just wanted to share that the busier I get, the better I feel. The more I do for myself, even little things, the better. I got up and did the treadmill today, and my mood is so much better. AH woke up this morning and said he was sorry about what was going on, and he was "coming back" soon (I guess that means quitting drinking again). I told him calmly that he has a problem, that he needs help. He said he has his HP to help him, and he was praying everyday. I said I think you need other people in a program. He rolled his eyes and muttered something. I left because it is a never ending argument.
But, I am okay today. Thanks everyone for your wisdom and love and support. This program is helping me get some sanity and calmness back, and the nightmare is fading!!! Amazing!!! No matter what happens, God is watching out for me, and has a plan for my Dear AH also, I am hopeful...
I am proud of you for recognizing your anger and praying to your HP to help you with your anger and help you be calm. Good for you for not taking it out on anyone else. That is good you recognized that.
And it's good you are doing something for yourself. Weight Watcher meetings are a support group meeting. I work for WW. I lost 52 pounds three years ago and have kept it off. Sometimes the meeting topic just really hits home with me, like it did with you last night. We even have 12 weeks of program material, does that sound like 12 steps to recovery?
And exercising, do you know that really helps with stress? I had such a bad headache this morning and I know it was from stress. After I went to the gym and worked out, my headache was so much better and I feel better too. Keep up the good work of taking care of yourself. We only get one body.
Good for you !! It sounds like you are heading in the right direction !! Sometimes we need that subtle nudge telling us that we are angry . I know I dont always recognize it.. Praying that your HP releases it was a great idea and then turning the focus on you AWESOME progress !!
