The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i used to ask the same question in meeting when i first started. i had this thought in my head that someone was going to tell me the secret combination. like spin three times, jump backwards thru the door and cluck then bam! you're detatched with love. i wish it were that simple! for me detatching with love is being able to not get drawn into insane arguments that go around and around (detatching from the alcoholic). it is not having the fights in my head with all the people who have "wronged" me (detatching from MY disease). and when i start to think of those people who have hurt me i try my darndest to send some love their way. detatching with love for me has meant letting others make their own mistakes and loving them anyway not beating them with all the mistakes they have made that have hurt me. and i am sure there are even more ways that i do it and that i will learn how to do it. i don't do it all the time or perfectly. but i know when i am doing it because i feel good. i feel peace. it has taken a really long time to learn how to detatch. and lots and lots of pratice. the best way i have found is to go to meetings and keep asking then try it. good luck and lots of love
Prancer for me, it was really believing that alcoholism is a disease.
So I separated the disease from my A husband. I love my husband, I hate the disease. He can feel crummy and I will be sorry he feels so sick, but not enable him becuz that would help the disease.
I would not give him meds or feed him or anything. He needs to feel the pain of the disease to get the strength to get help for himself.
If I had a broken leg that did not hurt when everyone helped me, but also would not heal, I would let others help me
But if they let me hurt so much I got the help I needed and got better....ya see?
When my A is a jerk, it is the A talking. So I don't give it any energy, I am not rude or mean, I never argue. I say sorry ya feel that way. Or maybe you are right. Or I am going to go read, go take a bath, go take a nap, go garden, whatever.
