The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ok, first off, I know it is my choice to stay....but ......I AM SO SICK OF
our money problems being all my fault, being put last all the time, my opinion not mattering, not being listened to, words being twisted around, being threatened with divorce, being alone, being lonely, feeling threatened, feeling unsure of the future, being told I am stupid, not good enough,and just plain not being listened to, being made to feel guilty for anything that doesn't go his/a's way, feelings not being validated, doing all the housework, making all the plans, paying all the bills, sleeping alone, feeling like a single person, being called stupid for doing anything my own way and not the way he does it, being misunderstood, ......the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on.......
Anything sound familiar?
Now would be a perfect time since I have a nice little package of things, to turn it all over to HP/God.
Well my first thought is, I choose to have an animal sanctuary but I get tired of the pooty duty, Estersue stepping on the hose, the dogs running off with everything I set down,
Fannie the new farm piglet running into the house when she is muddy, Heavy feed bags, Waking up to over a hundred hungry tummies....lol
So of course it is ok to vent. Just becuz it is your choice does not mean you don't need support.
We stay, we leave, we go back, we take them back, until we are done. And we can always depend on our alanon bros and sis's to help us thru it.
WOW...every time I decide to frequent the board again I run across posts that seem to jump straight out of my journal(if I were to keep one) for the day.
Just today I was so enraged over whatever alcoholic frustrations I needed to make a complete list of what makes me angry,enraged or plain sad...I was tired of running over the same complaints in my head.Putting it down helped me get past the record skip of my angry focusing.
Does any of it sound familiar?? oh ho ho ho..do they ever. Part of my 35 (I was shocked to count them up;thought I only had a dozen) were the anger over being lied to as if to be appeased like a child,nightmares,having put myself into an isolated situation,erosion of trust,tolerating obnoxious behaviour,not being able to trust what he says due to alcohol-speak,my net of security sporting a body sized hole,losing what I thought was a best friend,RAGE of having to face raising new child alone(like I did with 18 yr old) if things do not change and I want to save some peace.
Ooohhh..the mess we face,eh? Unfortunately it sticks with us. I heard someone in my group state something about our A-s never having the privelage of taking a vacation from the disease.
'Tis true..but more importantly..FORTUNATELY we DO have Al-anon and the door is not sealed with super glue as far as our options to grow and cope. (big smile) I do believe I saw your package of things nestled next to the bundle I sent up to heaven today as well. Stay strong.
was about to post a topic on turning things over to HP but I read yours 1st so I'll just post here.
I have been sitting at the computer for days now searching for answers to my current situation. Surfing the site, reading the posts, posting, going to chat, and to meetings. Hoping to find something or someone to tell me what to do. As if a simple solutions was really there in black and white on my pc.
Finally, I began talking to myself on paper. Started typing out what the problem was and what I might be able to do about it. Well, after some time and a few tears later, I decided to print a copy of what I had typed. So I clicked on print button and select menu pops up (we have a Hewlett-Packard 3in1 so I had to chose which printer).
There it was in black and white on my pc the answer I was looking for. Two letter initials, but with a different meaning. I sent everything to HP.
Parts of this absolutely sounds familiar. My A was never a mean drunk to the point where he would hit me or anything like that. But when I was stupid enough to argue with him while he was drinking, the words were cruel. I had to remind myself that it was the alcohol talking and not him. I am tired of the bills, the struggling, the paperwork for his DSS, SSI, :blah: :blah:. There are days when my faith wains. We could use some good news. That's when I have to make my gratitude list. Time to give it to HP that's for sure.
You are a sweet, wonderful, caring person. Anyone would be grateful to have you in their life. I know I am. Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I hear ya! I'm sorry you are feeling so frustrated and angry. Each thing on your list brought up someting in my mind, maybe mine can float away with yours. Take care.
And yes I do have those same feelings from time to time. I follow some of the suggestions as the others who replied before me have, and I post here. I get to have my feelings vented in a safe place to people who have walked in my shoes at times.
Also know is the time to take care of you. Do something nice for you!
Keep working your program.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
((((((((((((((((((((((((((doxie)))))))))))))))))))))))).....I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now.....I totally understand the alone and loney feelings....and it sucks.....please try and stay strong dear friend......God is listening, sometimes it just takes time to get what we need.......we always don't get what we want but it seems to me we get what we need.......
Love you sweet lady and praying for you to have a little peace.......
