The continued fallout over my husbands relapse has reached a new level.  Today a woman came to my home from Dept. of Social Services.  She left behind a a letter regarding an investigation of neglect for our children.  My son called me at work to tell me about it.  I called her as requested and spoke with her about it.  She said that as a result of my vacating the restraining order the investigation was opened.  I explained the circumstances behind the order, what measures I am taking now to keep my kids safe etc.  She didn't seem happy about the fact that the kids were on vacation with their father. 

My husband have been trying to talk and work things out.  I called him to tell him about this situation.  He now is on this major guilt trip of himself and is trying to take his frustrations out on me.  Ultimately I ended up taking my phone off the hook because I could not listen to his poor me's.  I am concerned about this but have chosen to turn it over - he chooses not to.  Surprisingly enough I did not argue with him - it isnt worth it.  And that has him even more nuts.  I am choosing to work a program to help me through this.  I am choosing to work a program to deal as well with his behaviors.  It hasnt been easy to break old habits of jumping into the fray of the fights as I like to defend my position.  It hasnt been easy to tell him not to call me again tonight because I miss talking to him and hearing his voice.  However, when he is like this I prefer not to talk to him anymore. 

I dont know where my HP is going to take all of this for me but I cant worry about tomorrow.  I can only take care of me right now this minute.  I cant change what happened in the past but I can learn from it.  I can listen to people who have come before me and take their suggestions or not.  Even in the midst of all of this mess it is so wonderful to know that I now have choices to keep me sane if I want to be that way.

Karen