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level.
A started drinking again the day before yesterday. He only made it one week this time. This time excuse was guy he had given his old truck to and paid for his registration too boot didn't show to help him with some things around our house he was suppose to do as payment. The guy keeps making excuses of other things he has to do. Of course he is an A too so no surprise to me. But we all no that is just an excuse. Any excuse will do.
When I got home from work and knew he was drinking I told him calmly there was to be no alcohol in the house anymore. Told him if he wasn't going to stop drinking, go to AA meetings and individual counselling for his child abuse issues I wanted him to move out by the end of the month. That night he didn't bring any beer into the house and did his drinking in the camper out back but I still got impression he wasn't taking me serious.
Last night I brought him home a list of affordable housing I got from DSS. He just said he isn't leaving and then later I found him drinking in the kitchen. Told him calmly there was to be no drinking in the house but he just continued.
Later we went downtown and on the way back he asked to get out of the car and walk. So I let him. Guess he didn't like my comments about how when I look for his replacement in won't be in a bar and I reminded him where I left the housing list for him. In the past I never would have done that. I would have insisted he get back in the car and wouldn't have driven away until he did. This time I left him and drove home. He got to the house about an hour later (only 1 mile walk). I asked him if he enjoyed his walk and he said not really.
He has got to be wondering just how serious I am about all this. Last night is an indication that I am progressing in learning how to take care of me and detach. As I continue to make progress his needs will continue to take more of a backseat. If he insists on staying I would be forced to go to court to remove him and I am not ready for that yet. So guess he will be staying for now but it is becoming clearer that one of these days I will be ready to take the steps I only talk about now and it won't be good for him.
Good for you for setting some boundries! They can be really hard to stick with. But keeping them, helps in empowering you. You have grown so much since you've been here. I am very proud of you!
Our recovery has to be about us, regardless if the A chooses to stay active or not. It's a hard lesson for us to learn. Keep up the great work, you are getting stronger every day.
Love and blessings to you my friend. Way to go!
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You have alot of courage! I remember when I started feeling the time was coming nearer where I would be brave enough to finally leave my A. I remember praying so hard for guidance. The thing with me is that I knew alot of the time I would test the waters with my A to see what he would do, and how he would react. I would threaten and not stick with it. But, when I was finally fed up it was so easy for me to walk away without a question in my head. You will know when you are ready but just make sure you don't threaten unless you follow through because I did and it only caused more problems.
Wow, you did well making him walk and not turning back!!!! You sound soooo strong in your post too by the way!
It is great you are makeing progress but something you said in your post bothered me.You said his child abuse issues.I dont know what you meant but their are agencys that will help you leave and move on.
your children are the most important so if he is abuseing your kids get help to leave and move on and let go .as you said one excuse or another.His drinking is not a excuse to abuse any one .
A isn't abusing anyone. He was sexually abused as a child and still has not dealt with it. He carries around alot of anger and shame which he is turning inward thus his self destructive behavior. That is what I meant. Sorry for the confusion.
You sound soooo strong in your post too by the way! 