The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am getting a divorce from my active A. I filed August 2005 and went to court in April. Now we are coming down to the final settlement and my nerves are shot.
My lawyer goes to court tomorrow and he tells me this today at 11:15 and that is when he shows me the revised settlement it has taken him 2 months to write up.
Then my A calls me screaming about pushing the date out yadada I hangup and my head starts to pound. Then my lawyer calls and said now my husband wants alimony for 3 years instead of 18 months. On and on. High drama.
Anyway I am suffering.
If you could say a small prayer for relief for me from the stress I would appreciate it
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
He might be after your money but don't let him rob you of your serenity and sanity too.....be good to yourself...believe in yourself...one day (minute) at a time. sending prayers your way
i was lucky!! my "A" was either too stupid or too lazy to fight with me......AND after his screw ups, we didnt' own anything big, so it was fairly easy
but i feel for anyone who DOES have it rough, like the breakup is bad enuf, they have to add MORE pain to the already bad drama
prayers for peace and strength to U.......my heart goes out 2 U....rosie
Can't tell you what to do on this one. But Pipers Kitty, hubby and I send you all our love and prayers. Would it help if I put a scorpion down his shorts?
You are a strong, confident, loving woman. You know how to stand your ground.
Love and blessings to you my friend. Remember to make the lemonade.
Live strong, Karilynn, hubby and Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
MAJOR HUGS (((((((((((((((((((((((Megan)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) coming your way.
A weekend up at Hampton is just what you need (tee hee) hope you are coming.
I will pray for you.
love Maria
P.S. I've heard others say, treat it like a business deal (gulp). You wouldn't allow others to skee-ru you over nor would you be unreasonable. Easier said than done.
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Hugs go out to you Megan.... Divorce is never an easy thing, even without the added complexity of addictions being involved... I struggled through mine for far too long, and eventually learned to fall back on a lot of the slogans and learnings from our program...
Stay in your shoes
One Day at a Time
Easy Does It
Let Go and Let God
Serenity Prayer
I think.... it will turn out as it turns out. And not a moment before. (my sponsor used to say that to me.... don't ya just HATE that one?? lol)
Have a great day, and do something special for Megan tonight - she deserves it!!
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am sorry to hear this is the case. I know you have been struggling with this for a long long time. I hope you will get through it by taking care of you, lots of self care.
Thanks so much for the hugs and support and the ear and the scorpion J A weekend at Hampton, perhaps, much needed right now.
I am right where I am supposed to be, true, but it sure hurts.
Thanks all for being here today while I wandered on the ledge and the left and right hooks kept slamming into me.
I feel so much better for sharing my pain and getting support here.
I am back to being able to pray, may Gods will not my will be done.
I also reached out to my sister. She finished a bad divorce (married to sex addict) a few months ago.
I asked her if I would ever feel better than the slop I was dealing with today.
Here is her reply
Yes, you will be happy...there will be a weight larger than you even
thought was there, lifted off of your shoulders. You will feel like you
can breathe again. There is then a period that you will wonder how Dan
is doing, what he is doing, is he okay....but then it fades, you realize
that your life is more important than to worry about him. Life is
short, we both know this. You have one shot in life. It is a timed
event.
I am glad that you are close to a settlement, it really felt good when I
left the court house after mine, even not knowing what the settlement
would be. It just felt good that it was one step closer to being over,
and me starting fresh...
You will be happy, it will feel like a 2nd lease in life, a second
chance to be happy.
I deserved it, you deserve it.....everyone does, it is only the lucky
ones like us that get off our ass and demand the 2nd chance. Many people
sit in their "lot" in life, miserable and complaining but never do a
damn thing to make their own life better. We are the strong ones, the
lucky ones....
I am there in my life, breathing, dancing, smiling, life is sweet now.
You will be right behind me, you just have this last hurdle to jump,
remember how good you were in high school? You remember how, just jump
and run for the tape!!
I will be there on the other side cheering and smiling!
You are loved!!!
So that helped me cope too.
Then tonight I did speed work on my bike with my sister in law. She told me when she took out her bike my 2 yr old nephew said, Aunt Megan coming, precious gifts of recovery. We banged out a quick 12 mile speed workout in the rain and I am again off the ledge.
Thanks my friends
-- Edited by megan at 20:59, 2006-06-14
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I have been worried and wondering how this was going for you. I am so sad to hear about what a struggle it has been.
Your sister's reply to you is beautiful and eloquent. She is right...that is how I felt too when I left the courthouse. Things did not go well for me at all in my divorce, but somehow, when it was all over I did not care. I was FREE!!!
Free to find happiness with friends and family who loved me and cared for me. No longer would I be forced to endure mistreatment from someone just because a piece of paper said he "could". Now I was free to surround myself with people who loved me. I did feel like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders...I felt like a butterfly emerging from a cacoon.
I also remember the dark days leading up to that last court date and they were hard.
You have and will continue to be in my prayers, and now that I know how much you are hurting I will say extra prayers for you as often as I think of it (which is quite often ).
Others have survived and you will too. You are strong Megan, and you will come out of this better and stronger.
Feel free to vent here to your friends who care for you and love you, and who are always there for you.
Just take one day at a time...and remember to take care of YOU. I know, easier said than done, but that is why you have loving friends to remind you, right?
Sorry to hear about your continued suffering during this process. It is hearing these things that I consider myself very lucky not to have been through a lengthy battle. I hope you can find some peace for yourself as this draws to a close.
Sounds like the upcoming camping trip will be just what is needed to unwind if you can make it.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I might be a little bit off the beaten path, but after 2 divorces, I can say I do know the pain, it was a companion before, during and for a while after the court litigation was resolved.
In my last divorce, since I was a stump down kick to the curb alkie, she had all the income, which was plentiful and I had very little, if any.
My lawyer was gunhoo about my getting a substantial amount of alimony... for a substantial amount of time.
Sorry folks, but as a man... my pride wouldn't let me take it... even as a drunk. I signed over everything to her and waived my rights to any alimony, or alimony settlement at that time or at any time in the future. When a man has to suck his existance off the people he loves and has wounded so bad in the course of a long drinking career.... he is no longer a man. He is a mouse with an alcoholic problem. Being a alcoholic is one thing... it got me into recovery...
Being a drunk mouse would have taken me to the bridge of suicide.
John
(((((Megan)))))) my heart goes out to you with many warm hugs, lots of love and many prayers of peace as you trudge this road of happy destiny... you are on the road already.. you will get there.. the trip is not nearly as long as it feels.
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
I've been through a nasty, long and drawn out divorce (2 years ago now).... You will get through it. It was to me more like a death than anything else. I was with this man for 25 years. I do have 2 great kids as a result of the union, but that is all I have left from all those years. I have no contact whatsoever with him now. He has disappeared and has tried to run and hide from his responsibilities. He has made an absolute mess of his life. I don't think he will ever get well. Seems he's too far gone. It's a shame. He was once a good man.
You will do fine. Just be patient with yourself as you go through the healing process.
).