Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> WHAT IS LOVE?
Post Info TOPIC: WHAT IS LOVE?
Lani


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 34
Date:
WHAT IS LOVE?
Permalink  

Hi Friends,


Today I pulled out an old book and in it was something I received at an AL-Anon meeting last year. It is very thought provoking and wanted to share it. The author is unknown to me. You may want to copy and paste it.


Here it goes:


"We seem to use the word "love" to represent very different states of being, very different ways of being in our relationships; friendships, family and marriage.


In conversation with some friends online it became clear that they were talking about something very different than I was when we used the word "love" and felt that we needed a new word to differentiate between types of "love".


I came up with CONA Ó. CONAÓ represents the intense feelings of Codependence, Obsession, Neediness and Addition:


CONA controls
LOVE allows
CONA manipulates
LOVE nurtures
CONA clings
LOVE frees
CONA demands (often subtly)
LOVE appreciates
CONA takes
LOVE gives and receives
CONA feels constricting
LOVE feels expansion
CONA retaliates
LOVE respects
CONA punishes
LOVE communicates
CONA needs you to be who the other says you should be
LOVE encourages you to be all of who you are
CONA makes you responsible for their happiness
LOVE accepts responsibility for self's internal state
CONA blames other
LOVE accepts other
CONA has an intense edge of excitement
LOVE has deep comfort"


It's also a great lesson for your children to learn.

I hope you find this valuable. I know it was created with lots of love.

Your friend in love, Lani
http://lanipicard.com



 



__________________
Vega


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 8
Date:
Permalink  

wow, that really makes you think. I really enjoyed that. Thanks!

__________________
top that
patience


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 22
Date:
Permalink  

I really needed that. Thank you.



__________________
Let go and let God.
rosie light shines


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 729
Date:
Permalink  

WAY TO GO!!!!  lani, i loved that, thank u, rosie

__________________
rosie light shines
canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2962
Date:
Permalink  

I liked that list Lani.... it is fairly similar to the one I saved a few years back, regarding the differences between "love" and "toxic love" as below...


Take care


Tom


 


Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. toxic love (compiled with the help of the work of Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski.)


1. Love - Development of self first priority.
Toxic love - Obsession with relationship.
2. Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)


3. Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.


4. Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.


5. Love - Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."


6. Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.


7. Love - Embracing of each other's individuality.
Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.


8. Love - Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Toxic love - Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.


9. Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.


10. Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)


11. Love - Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
Toxic love - Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.


12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone.
Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.


13. Love - Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love - Cycle of pain and despair.


from www.joy2ume.com


 



__________________

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Lani


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 34
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Tom,


Thanks for sharing the version you have. It's so important we remind ourselves what's good and what isn't for our recovery from this disease.


(((((huggles))))) Lani



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> WHAT IS LOVE?