The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was just thinking how i have NO expectations from my A. If I cannot accept him as is, then it is not being fair to him. I don't control him.
I don't control anyone. I watch and see how they are and then if I can be around them fine. If not, then I don't.
My sil is the meth user. She is real nice when she wants something. typical. If something goes out of her control, she totally freaks. I fine it very interesting how she has such a thing about controlling everyone and everything.
She called the admin of the nursing home and made demands. She said I was not to see her mother. She was told, we are sorry but your mom wants to see her. I guess she lost it big time. Anything that does not do her way, she loses it.
I just realized she wants to control my A too. So she was very mad he gave me poa over his stuff.
Then I think about people I meet. Through alanon I have learned to really accept people how they are. Not expecting them to show up, or to share or whatever. If they do, they do. I am pleasantly happy if they do as they say. Not mad or anthing if they don't.
If I don't like how someone behaves I don't have to accept them as a friend.
But if someone is telling about the death or something of an animal I do say, please don't talk about those things to me. I have such an uncanny imagination and the picture of something like that just stays with me.
Maybe this is what makes me not pick tenants well. In no way can I know how they will be until they move in. I can give them all the rules and expectations I have. But in reality, they will show their true colors. Hopefully they will be people who want to be good tenants.
If not, goodbye...you are the weakest link. I loved that show. Where did it go...?
Anyway I pick certain breeds of dogs. I read up, obecess and decide what type is best. Then hope the cute pup grows up the way they are suppose to. Usually I am very pleasantly surprised.
But it is funny how I gloss over, stubborn, likes to excape and wander...lol then here I am chasing after my almost two hundred poung Great Pyrenees pup becuz he lives to escape, wander and is stubborn...lol I love him as is, never punish, and put up better fences..
It's like this darn arthritis. I did not expect to get it. Did not expect the pain. I don't say why me and let it slow me down. I don't live on pain pills. I learn to accept it for what it is.
Now with my A. It took a long time. I wanted him to be him forever. I mean the man I married. The man I would wake up and look at and say, "There is a naked man in my bed!" The guy who worked long hours and fell asleep with his hands stuck in his glasses on his face.
I miss the guy I learned how to mud and sand sheet rock with. I went to work with him a million times. I loved it.
He would make spegetti and it was the best no matter what. Now he is baking in Jail. sigh.
I miss him playing his guitar and singing to me. I miss him singing to the radio, Jackson Brown. My A has a wonderful voice. country boy that he is. Jesse James.
sigh. Now he is in this horrid orange jump suit and hocked his guitar for drugs.
How did I get here? My daddy is so ill. Dying so slow. I want to see him. I would "expect" most people would want to see their loved ones before they die. But I have to accept and honor his wishes. That is a hard one.
I had to get a puppy to ease me thru this. I don't expect her to be anything than what she is. Sometimes I may want a more clingiing pup, but it is so much fun watching her standing on a sleeping pig, or hanging on to FeeFee my white turkey by the tail.
If I controlled everything or had expectations, I would live in a world of dissappointment.
For me, I live in world of wonder. I never know what will happen. It is always a surprise when ya have no expectations. I may leave early for something but then I am behind a huge pickup who has two huge tanks...then a train.... then I take too long looking at my son's new garden...
so I get there two min. late..who cares. I sure didn't.
When I prayed to hp. pleeeeease don't let meth sil come home before I get out of here. Well I hoped but was ready. lol And I was pleased how I dealt with her.
She was awful. I said nothing to her. I was not even mad. She acted like she did.I did not expect hp to answer my prayer. I sorta hoped it was not going to be one of those learning experiences like my marriage though. lol
Anyway all I know is living with no or little expectations makes me not be jaded. Yougurt might not be good, grapes may be sour, the mail might be late and the puppy might pee right by my bed...yuck. lol but ya know, its all good...
Besides when ya have an animal sanctuary, ya learn that nothing is the same, weird things happen.
I looked at my big ole white horse sleeping in the bunk room on hay. I said, "what are you doing Chief?" He puts his head up, and there is Estersue laying, spooning next to him. Now how many times would you expect to see a horse and big pink pig spooning?
My white turkey Feefee was in the pond to her body almost. I said, Feefee are you really a white egret?"
Expectations bring disappointment. Ya know even the creator did not have expectations. He made rules but he gave us the choice to make the decision to follow or not. Then he acts accordingly uno?
Oh I am just so wise..... tonight. hahahahaha, just full of bologna.
do you think I could find a jail I could l live in with my A? Or maybe make Eden into a jail???I could get one of those dog collars and put it on him and put up a very strong electric fence. OHHHH remember that movie with my love, Rudgar Hauer, they wore these neck collars and if they went too far their heads blew up???
I will have to write to him and see what he thinks... do ya think he will go for it??
lol, I am dingy, must be bed time... love yous,debilyn
Expectations…I do have them. I guess I am still willing to accept disappointments that come with expectations that are not realized. But, to me expectations are like having hope for something positive, something good that is to come, whether it is from other people, my own actions, or as a result of certain events. Without expectations, I feel like I am keeping myself from experiencing the fullness of my life, all of my emotions. I work at keeping those emotions in balance and in moderation to some degree, but I find that I need to have expectations otherwise; my feelings become too flat line. I expect that my daughter will get through the troubles in her life and will grow from her experiences. I expect that I will, with the help of my HP, be able to get through whatever comes my way in life, including the disappointments from unmet expectations. I may have to adjust those expectations sometimes, make them more realistic, but I can be flexible with help from my HP.
Expectations. Hmmm. Well, for me...I feel more like Kathykelly. Expectations are a form of hope in my mind. Hope, which leads to goals and dreams. I think I hold expectations more from within myself than placed on others, though. I certainly can't make other people believe the same things I do, or act the way I want them to. However; I'd like to think that I am open minded enough to allow people the dignity to be who they need to be. But I still need to hold myself accountable.
No expectations...for myself...or life in general feels hollow. Maybe that's a curse, or maybe that's why I find myself alone today. I did have expectations for my STBXAH. I expected him to want to be sober, find honest recovery, find humility at the core level. I expected him to take responsibility for his actions, and treat the people who love him with respect and compassion. I expected him to love, honor and cherish me.
When I came to the realization that he is an alcoholic... I wasn't very good at detaching with love. The disease was too much for me. But... I was good at accepting the facts and making choices based on them.
I want to have expectations, or in other words, I choose to hold on to dreams. Unwarranted or not....fairy tale/fantasy thinking or not...
it's what keeps me inspired to live self-lovingly for ME.
I can see what makes you guys feel that way. In a way I guess it is sad. I mean not having any expectations from anyone or anything.
For me I accept what "is."
Too many lifes lessons taught me, I cannot expect anything. Does not mean things won't happen I hoped for. But again, if we could experience each others lives maybe then we would understand better.
But my parents got divorced, my dog came to the door with her eye hanging out. Two securities gone.
I used to be very much expecting things to be a certain way. Then I had 4 miscarriages. Never expected that. Then my love, got drafted, came back a heroin addict.
Then I married someone else, he got killed in an accident. Was a widow 18years, many friends died from Aids, cancer, accidents.
Thought my mom and I would grow old together. expected that. We were only 17 years apart.
She died of breast cancer. never dawned on me she would die, in my arms. Married my love, sober, happy, so happy, loved him all my life. 2 mo. later, brain tumor found, surgery, medical relapse and the last almost 7 years has been alanon, and dealing with him.
Had to have him leave, then back again, then left again.
My best friend was driving from Penn to live here with me. calls from Boise, I don't feel well she says. I say go to the hospital meri. cancer all thru her body. talked to her on the phone, last time.
three down in a year. Then someone stole my basset who helped me thru all this pain. For a month I did all I could. fliers, tv, radio. walked up to 7 miles aday door to door. no Fergus.
almost lost my home, lived in my barn to not lose it. rented it out.
Friends do die, so do mothers. Daddy is dying slowly now. Gma hung on as long as she could for me. I had to let her go and my favorite aunt and uncle go in the same two weeks in march.
My other favorite uncle died right after my mom. My bil died in my arms a couple years ago.
Houses go to foreclosure, I now have bowel and bladder incontinance. but I have accepted it and can see, laugh, kiss, smile and hold my new grandson, Sprout. My other grandson, the mom married a creep.I don't get to see my tiger boy. grandchildren go away.A's go to jail. Husbands suffer brain damage.
So you see, the only constant in my life, the only one I have expectations from is my hp. The expectations are the promises that are written down. My faith is strong there. I am never disappointed with my hp, never could be.
So yes in a way it is hollow. But yet when the littlest nice things happen. I am elated and so appreciative. and I hold that inside forever.
I do have hope though. My hope is different probably. I hope for what hp promises.
I am not bitter, or say why me?
To me hope and expectations are totally different. To expect, seems arrogant. NOW this is me. Hope seems warm and and wanting to believe, but if it goes another way, then I learn to accept and live with it.
I don't know if you meant to make people laugh but you had me laughing. Helped ease my nerves that are starting to brew while I prepare to meet my lawyer this afternoon.
You listed all these animals and I didn't know what some were.....and the whole deal about the horse & the pig. LOL. My parents have 4 horses, 2 mini horses, 24 pigme goats, 1 pot belly pig, 2 taloose geese & 2 dogs. I cannot imagine the pot belly pig snuggling up to one of the horses. LOL. They used to have Guinnie Hens - mean little turds and 2 turkeys - got a bit ruthless too and a couple of sweet ducks. And thinking about all these animals, I realize they do offer up some laughs.
I have this cute little fox terrier/jack russel pup. He turned 1 on Mardi Gras....and that is his name b/c it is the day he was born - my little Mardi. He used to come w/me to work...but I have been leaving him home here lately. But he is the funniest little guy...weighs about 10 pounds. All muscle.
Mostly my kids give me the most laughs, the most pleasure in life. It is kind of unfair that I have saddled them w/that responsibility although they don't realize it.
Ok, I just felt compelled to respond. Thanks again.
