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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I DON’T KNOW HOW it’s evolved to this PART 3
Post Info TOPIC: I DON’T KNOW HOW it’s evolved to this PART 3
angelnomore


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I DON’T KNOW HOW it’s evolved to this PART 3
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Today, is my father’s 81’st B-day, it didn’t think he would be here; I’m Thankful to God, Thank you Lord.


 


I’m trying to stay focus on his care and my goal/boundaries of not speaking to the A in my life, as he needs a break, he said maybe in two weeks we can talk which will be June 5th (what the point) it's over, the fact of the matter is he need to trying & stay sober and going to work and meetings is all he can do (I hate this).  I hate myself for behaving hysterical and reacting so poorly to his request.  The fear is here and I think about how final this feels and realize that it’s over between us.  My fear/panic is making my stomach hurt I can taste in my mouth, I slept so bad last night and wonder what he is thinking or feeling does he miss me?  I have to stop and pray almost every 5 minutes and ask God for strength.  But I most be honest with myself and everyone here the fear/panic is with me and I want to call him and tell him how much I miss him.  I’m still in shock over all this again, I DON’T KNOW HOW it’s evolved to this PART 3 (SCREAMING).   Today is ONLY day #4, I miss him I would like to pick the phone and use the excuse that my Father turned 81 today, but that would completely manipulative so I can’t , I WONT. 


 


One more thing I’m glad I inspired, jennneeefffurrr, I don't think I have ever inspired anyone my whole life, I’m glad you and other are using the 5 minutes and see the fear.  Now, if I can just practice what I preach, 5 MINUTES.  Please read the prayer below & if you can please think of me and A while you read it, I appreciate this so much. 


 


 


The Jabez Prayer


And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying


“Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and


Enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with


Me and that You would keep me from evil, that I


May not cause pain!”


So GOD granted him what he requested


1 Chronicles 4:10 (NKJV)



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sarahlm


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I too have had to deal with what you are dealing with. My AH pushed me way a lot after he finally started attemping to work a program. Hes a chronic relapser: 90 days, 60 days, 6 months, 30 days, etc. Now he is in prison for DUIs

A long time ago, when I had just married him and he had just relapsed again, my sponsor asked me if I would be willing to let him go if it meant he would get sober. I had to think about it for a long time and I realized that, yes, I loved him THAT much. If it came to that choice, I would rather he was sober and doing well in recovery than me having him. I want him to be happy and healthy more than I want him next to me. Is it easy when he pushes me away? NOOOOOOOO!!!! I kick and scream and its so painful but if thats really what he needs to stay sober, I would rather that than he die or end up in jail for life. So I let him know how hard it is for me and then eventually I let go and know that God has something way better in store for me than ANYTHING I can imagine for myself. Its so much easier said than done, but my AH is the kind of drunk who ends up in jail and hospitals a lot so its easy for me to imagine him dying from his disease. But its the same with your boyfriend, he could die from his disease, and I know you dont want that.

I completely relate though and I KNOW the pain. And it might not be over. My AH always comes back, especially when Im REALLY ready to move on-it's like they can sense it

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nmike


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Much support to you in your struggle. I struggle with the same of wanting to see my AH and somehow wanting to manipulate him to come back. How mature of you to recognize this and try to be healthy. In Alanon this tell us to focus on ourselves and really work on ourselves. My husband moved out and I have to do what sarahlm said to let him go to work on himself. That is hard to do for all of us. In Getting Them Sober lV she says that the alcoholic seems to have alcoholic radar. Just as soon as I say I can't take this any more and I have to move on, my AH shows up! Go figure.


In support,


Nancy



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jennneeefffurrr


Senior Member

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Posts: 135
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


TY for mentioning me in your post!


I absolutely know how you feel. I get the moments where I just "know" that if I call my A at that exact moment and say these exact words he will melt, come back to me, work the 12 steps and attend AA and put his energy into recovery....NOPE.


Take you own advice! 5 minutes! It is working WONDERS for me!


The FEAR post I did helped me a ton TOO!


I am in my angry phase now...really angry where  I could knock his freakin teeth down his throat. BUT in the end I know there is NOTHING I can do to him that is worse than he is already doing to himself.


Maybe not exactly a Christian statment, but you know what it is TRUTH and I do value truth.


TAKE CARE AND TAKE 5 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!! PM me anytime


JEN



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I DON’T KNOW HOW it’s evolved to this PART 3