The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer shares how to tell if we are trying to control someone, or if we are sincerely expressing ourselves. They say if we are repeatedly saying the same things, and cannot let it go if we don't get the response we want, then we are probably trying to control and have lost our focus. It's important to become honest with ourselves and admit our mistakes when they happen. Our energy belongs on ourselves.
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I've gotten much better at evaluating my own behavior. I often say to my A, I'm going to say this one time, and do my darnedest to not repeat it. I tried trying to force solutions for years and it didn't work at all. I try to listen to myself and remind myself if I've made a suggestion before--if so I try to let it be. I will never be perfect at this task, but I do see progress. :)
Thanks Lyne for the reading and for your share. I look forward to reading your es&h and am grateful you keep coming back! I hope others will sign in and share with us as well!
I will admit that this hand off policy has been easier to work with people who are sober than those not. I can recall repeating myself many times with active alcoholics before coming to the program and even when I knew better. My focus was damage control. Sometimes it was meant to protect them from harm. Sometimes it was meant to protect myself from fallout from their actions while using. Because of the skewed thinking of the drinker, I believed I needed to keep repeating what I believed would be the logical and unfortunate consequences that would result from their behaviors while drinking. I once heard someone in the program liken this experience of over involvement in another's life to a feeling of being out of one's own body. Al-anon is a program of suggestions not rules. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I have free will and can use personal judgement from situation to situation, person to person concerning intervention. What is my motive? Al-anon offers many readings on the topic of control and also numerous readings on the topic loving support. To quickly and honestly ask myself what outcome I have in mind before speaking or acting has helped me. The slogan THINK has also been a great tool for such situations.
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
