Jennifer,

I can absolutely relate to your post.  My story is all over this board, on any given day, in almost any post I can glimpse at myself.  It brings to mind the something that is read at f2f meetings.  I cannot put my finger on the exact wording, but  it has to do with understanding as few others can unless they too have been affected by alcoholism.

My AH and I are also separated.  I realized that I needed to get better, regardless of what he chooses.  Today we are both working programs, however, he really has difficulty thinking/understanding that I am sick also.  That I do not want to go back to that  place of insanity that this disease took me to even though I was not the alcoholic.  He is sober today but still thinks that that is all it will take, the absence of alcohol, to make me better.  I try to explain to him, it no more makes me "emotionally sober" than if abstinence alone would make him sober.  It is not simply the consumption of alcohol.  Unfortunately, if that were true we would not have something called "isms" and I would not be doomed to the neon sign "come and see me if you are an alcoholic, I know just how to fix you." 

The days of "if he would only stop drinking everything would be just fine" are over.  This disease will win every time if I fall back into that thinking.

Glad you are here,

Lynn