The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
People say "Its not all about you". Program says "Keep the focus on you". How do you differentiate? Talk about the other person but keep thoughts on yourself? Difference btwn ppl in program and those no?
Keeping the focus on us" refers to our healing and growth and not wasting time trying to fix, change or control evryone else. While doing so, that doesn't mean we can't be human and respect the feelings of others.
"It's not all about you" infers selfishness. Like doing something with absoluttely no regaurd to other's feelings, the affect it may have or the consequences it may have.
I can be considerate of others while doing what I need to do for myself.
That's my .02 cents :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I see it as "it's not all about you, when you are being self-centered.
The program wants you to make sure you are taking care of you and not worrying about the person or persons that brought you to the program to begin with. Not checking up their program or meetings, and using habits, Staying dettached from their illness and working on yours.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
To me... this boils down to the difference between "selfish" and "self-care".....
The addicts in our lives will often, in their sickness, accuse us of being 'selfish' when we look out for our own needs, whereas our program teaches us that we need to remember OUR needs, in order to honor ourselves.... Living in and around addictions plays havoc with our self-esteem, and practicing self-care, and loving ourselves, is the most direct route to OUR recovery...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I think of the two this way: It's not all about you, to me, means: don't take it personally. If someone does something or says something, it's their business, not yours. They'd do it if you were in the picture or not.
Keep the focus on yourself means: Learn my own feelings, get to know who I am and what I want, concentrate on getting better.
- slightly hesitant to respond incase my experience, strength and hope may be off base here. It may depend on what context you mean this
”keep the focus on you”
For me Al-Anon is for me -for me to heal and gain new tools -thus serenity
I would say keep the focus on me, not so much what the alcoholic is or isn’t doing in my life -so I am able to continue working my program (not diluting it). If I sway too much on the alcoholic’s (or another’s) behavior I am spreading myself thin making it harder to focus on the main goal (my serenity/healing)
“it’s not all about you”
For me, Listen and Learn and Keep an Open Mind applies.
1. Telling my experience, strength and hope
2. Hearing others e, s and h -who share from their hearts
That way I share and receive -by *listening to others. I am reminded I have two ears and one mouth. It takes showing up at meetings and tuning in to other alanons for me to keep learning because I never know what I may need to “hear”
In this case I am so grateful it’s not only about me Thank you for posting,
To me it means that not everything my A says or does is to hurt me ...... only that it is "his" perception and I should not take it personally....... but just let it go........ and to keep the focus on me, means to keep focused on my recovery and that my recovery doesn't mean I have to be selfish or self centered but to love myself, trust my feelings, seek help when I need it, keep a keen eye on my old behavior patterns...... and try not to repeat them, again and again as I have done in the past.
