"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

sweetr72 · Newbie

New to the board and frustrated

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you recoginze you need to reengage in Al-Anon. You also know that you can't change him. Sober six years, doesn't mean well, obviously.

Welcome to Miracles In Progress, we are a great supplement to your local group. We are family here, so keep coming back and join us in chat and our meetings, link above left to the room.

Hope to see you in chat soon.

Josey

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hiya Dawn :)

We have meetings here on the site. The link is to your left. Or you can just come and join the open chat and make some friends that understand :).

Meeting times are 9am and 9pm EST Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sunday 10am and 7pm EST

Christy

Becky1 · ~*Service Worker*~

So glad you are here Sweet. You will find love and understanding, and possibly the peace you need in your heart.

We have all been there.

Please try to not waste too much time trying to figure out the A's sober friend. I think, and this is just my opinion, that he may be sober, but that doesn't mean he's a very good friend.....

Hope to see you in chat or a meeting soon.

Love in Recovery,

Becky1

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Only your husb friend can explain why he is buying booze for him (perhaps he thinks he can help him hit his bottom . sheeeeesh As for the kids tell them the truth your husb has a disease and needs to stop drinking to get well , kids understand more than u think all they want if the truth don't need to hear the nitty gritty stuff.

Just a simple as long as he is drinking I can't let him l ive here will do. Hope u get back to your meetings for your sake you need support . good luck Louise

jecy · Member

hi i understand, im new too. really its just consuming you. but think of you and your kids. easier said then done right. but really you find the strength, you always have, no matter what. maybe you need a sound board. you said you have people, and maybe your ashamed. thats where i am right now, and thats ok at least you reached out, thats all that matters and thats all you can do. ive sat for weeks reading the board and did nothing, but i felt what you said, and i get your angst. i just watch and feel stronger knowing someone understands, i cry too. i get it with out contributing. but i want you to know, you're doing all you can do, and don't think you can do anymore then that. even if it hurts and its not the outcome you want, but it is the healing that you are doing for you and your kids. in healing you find exceptence, and the ability to let go. so for right now to your husband say what you mean. mean what you say. and don't say it mean. find a way to let it go to a higher power, and be ok with that. i'm truely sorry you hurt, and i know your pain, i myself am living through it everyday as are we all. but know you are with people who understand and care and want to hear your pain, because we all find a way to heal in it. thats why were here. ok even if i sound like a self help book, i dont always feel it. i feel like a fool too, used, stupid. but everyday you wake up and you do it alone, thats a beautiful thing, because you did it alone, without him. i know right now you cant see that, and nor can he, nor does he want to. does that make sense to you? i hope so, and i hope its gonna be ok for you, i know it wont be easy, but it never is..

sweetr72 · Newbie

Thank you to everyone who responded. I have lost so much sleep, felt so much pain, lost so much hope and feel downright helpless. I want so much to fix him although I know better its is such a deep and powerful emotion to want to fix the problem. I am so lost in HIS alcoholism and I feel like im drowning. I do know better but this stupid heart of mine just can let go like my head keeps screaming at it to do. This is heartbreaking and I feel more foolish than anything just because I know there is nothing I can do but I keep pushing along trying to find a way to make him better. Thank you all for your support and I know I will get through this...and I dont have to do it alone.

Dawn

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

He sounds sick right now, and obviously not making healthy choices... There is an old saying that I refer to often....

"he is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

The ONLY thing we can do, control, etc., is ourselves and our dependants.... Al-Anon is a great place for you, as is this board, etc... You can't "fix" him, as you know, and your anger towards his "friend" is equally out of your control... Wherever possible, try to use that energy towards yourself and your own children.....

As far as "what to say to your children" right now, I have no idea of their ages, but I think the only thing we CAN tell them is that they are loved and safe. You can't really reassure them anything about what your A will or won't do, but you CAN give them reassurance that YOU love them and care for them....

Hope that helps

Tom

sweetr72 · Newbie

Of course every word helps right now. My kids are 13, 11 and 8 and have been through so much in the past few years. They also go to alanon but tonight I am going alone. I feel like Ive given so much to him, forgiveness, understanding and all the things that go along with living with an alcoholic and he can just walk out without batting an eye or thinking of us and what he has left behind. Its so overwhelming to be the sole provider all of the sudden, tyring to pay the bills, raise the kids take care of the dogs and keep a household moving along...I just want to bust out of my own skin and run away from it all...but I cant do it like he does and of course I wouldnt. Family and friends just dont get it, just get over him, or arent you glad hes gone...NO IM NOT GLAD HES GONE...hes sick he needs help. No one understands unless they have been there too so I will go to my meeting tonight and be with others like myself. Thanks so much for listening and letting me vent, your words are so kindly appreciated.

Dawn

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"