The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know tomorrow is Mothers's Day and my kids are really special and I LOVE them with all my heart there is also a great sadness for my mom who killed herself 6 yrs ago and the pain of sadness I still feel knowing this dieases killed her!!!! I am finding that as the years pass and the more I am here in alanon that the pain gets better and better and that there are lessons I am learning through her death with this horrible dieases...
1. Lesson I have learned is to love my children with all my heart by being kinder loving resepectful and to allow them to be who they are...
2. Lesson I have learned is TO FINALLY TAKE CARE of ME... I don't need my mommy to tell me what to do or to protect me I have my own HP and my own life to live....
3. Lesson I have learned is how Greatful I am to be here with all of you in Alanon!! If my mom hadn't of died of this horrible dieases then I would still be stuck in my horrible way of living and I would have never found you all and got the help I needed to live more of a healther life because I would have still had "sheltering by mommy" "mommy knows everything she can make all the decions for me I don't have too" and "what would mommy think I better call for her approvel!!!!"
4. Lesson I have learned is that I can lean on my own HP for love mercy forgiveness that I could not have gotten from my mother!! I can also know that my mom was sick with this horrible dieases and she was a very sad women I still love her knowing now I really never knew the real Mom I just knew the dieased MOM...
5. Lesson I have learned is to be the best i can be that I don't have to be perfect but I can stirve for progress.. In all aspects of my life...
6. Lesson I have learned is there were things that my mom taught me that i cheerish today with all my heart and there are things she taught me i would rather just forget!!!
7. lesson I have learned is that I am a wonderful beautiful child of God and I have two beautiful children that when my times comes to live this earth I would like them to remember me as a wonderful,loving,caring, mother who was willing to make changes for the better in her life and to lean all her heart soul into the willingness of Gods will for her life....I want them to be thankful and greatful for the memories I leave behined!!!! :)
Thanks for all for letting me share!!! I do appreciate you all so so very much!!! I Love you all and HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all you wonderful MOTHERS out there!!!
So glad you keep coming hon. You are doing great! I can't imagine what your loss feels like (though I lost my mother 15 years ago as I was in the infancy of learning what motherhood was all about. I miss that she can't be here to guide in times in need. I miss that my boys lack a grandmother but she's ever present in my heart and the memories I share with my boys.
I believe even though they leave us in body, they remain in our hearts.
Happy Mother's Day to you also
Love Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Thank you for sharing your powerful growth through such a difficult situation. In the deepest conflicts, we find the clarity; in the depths of suffering, we find the truth, that we'd really rather be happy. It is what we do about it that makes all the difference. You have done much, learned much and have so much to share with us, that helps me learn too. Happy Mother's day, to a mom who is a gift to her children as well as to us.
I believe my own mother's mental illness and growing up in a tremendously dysfunctional famiy definitely affected how she lived and eventually died. So Mother's day is quite sad for me because I am often very very sad and sometimes quite angry about my mother. And I see how my mother's mothering has affected my younger sister who is a mother. And one of the hardest hardest things about really being in recovery is knowing I really cannot do that much to intervene in my sister's life and force her into recovery. I have had to let go of all my fantasies about that and that has been incredibly hard.
I am so so glad for you and for your family that you can grieve and own your mother's life and move on if it is indeed possible to move on, integrate it into to your life in the whole, real way you have done. That is indeed a mother's day gift. I dread this day mostly and I was feeling I did not want to read posts on mother's because my own mother was such a source of chaos, trauma and difficulty for me but your post has given me a lot to think about today.
I lost my mom at 91 years of age 3 years ago. I know the pain of losing someone that was such a big part of your life. She was my security and I sometimes feel lost without her and wish I could ask her advice.
But I had her all of my life and she lived a good life. She wasnt the best mom, but she was always there and gave unconditional love.
I am trying not to repeat her mistakes and mirror her strengths to my own kids.
Mothers day is both bitter and sweet to me. They say the best thing a father can do for his kids is to love their mother. I know my A loves me, but what about the security and strength I need from him everyday. I
Bubbles, thank you for sharing. I understand the pain of your loss very well. With me, it was my brother.
I'm grateful to you for sharing what you have learned and agree about the mom part....taking what you liked and leave the rest, in a word...and all the rest that you so honestly wrote.
