The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so fed up with my husband right now I could scream. He drinks 1/2 bottle of vodka a day. It usually starts around 6pm at night, and he gets so beligerent and unreasonable I feel as though we have no relationship left. Since evenings were our time to re connect, talk, watch TV together, etc. this is now gone because he can't function properly.
I am afraid the drinking will get worse and that it will go from 1/2 bottle to a full bottle. I have 3 kids that I am practically raising on my own, putting to bed, bathing, feeding, etc. because he is off in the garage or out doing yard work until way past midnight. If it isn't one project he busies himself with, it's another...anything to avoid the daily duties of HOME and KIDS.
I can't tell family about this because no one has a clue. His sister went through Betty Ford 2 yrs ago, and this would kill his family if they had another case on their hands. Nieghbors, friends, family, NO ONE KNOWS BUT ME. Talk about a burden.
Do I tell someone? Do I approach his family? Do I get him help? Do I leave?
These are the questions that go through my mind on a daily basis.
welcome! you are in the right place. i hope you can find a fce to face meeting in your area. this board has been so helpful to me and these people are wonderful.one thing i heard early on and have hung onto is when we are confused we don't need to make any decisions. i have asked and then just listened.i always hear what i need to. just keep comming back and things for you will get better.
I feel your pain. I've been there. ...twice. Years back and now again. How's that for bad decisions. The one thing I can tell you is don't make excuses for him. Don't hide it from others or try to protect him. Do what you need to do to care of yourself. He has a progressive illness that may or may not get worse, but you can not cure him. It's not your responsiblitity to protect his family either, but your kids need you to be well. Just do what it takes to take care of yourself and your kids. Get to meetings and work the steps. Know how much you are loved here and how safe you are. Come back often
You do need to confide in someone. A close family member? A sister perhaps? A favorite cousin? This is something we cannot handle on our own. I remember thinking, "I have weathered many storms by myself. I can handle this one too." Not so...Please check for AlAnon meetings in your area, and go as soon as you can. You will be among kindred spirits, and will learn how to best take care of you, whether he drinks or not. With three little ones in the house, you owe sanity to you AND them.
Take good care, and come back often, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Hello Wander, well if your like most of us your doing a pretty good job of helping to keep HIS secret . We in al anon call that enabling , we lie for them ,we cover up thier mistkes and we make excuses for thier crappy behavior to family and friends they end up looking great we end up looking like were nuts . (sound familiar)/
Until we stop doing those things nothing will change for him. Allow themthe dignity to grow up and become responsible for th ier behavior step aside and detach with love . Get the focus back on your own needs . I hope u consider going to meetings for yourself they will chnge your life for the better. As for telling his family , thats up to you . actually they possibly already know whats going on. good luck Louise , here is the toll free international number for meetings near you 1-888-4alanon open 8-8pm mon thru friday
Fortunately, there is help for you. Going to al-anon will be able to provide you with a support network and tools in order to better deal with your alcoholic and make your life managable. Will your husband get help? Who knows? But you getting help might make it easier for him to do it. The healing can begin with you as soon as you decide you are ready. You have come to the right place. I am glad you are here.
I feel for you.. The feeling that you are carring the world on your back has got to be difficult. I agree with Diva, find someone you can trust. Feeling alone isnt fun either. Just remember, we are here, we understand all of those things going thru your mind. !!
HI! and Welcome to Alanon~~ You are here a wonderful first step. I am so very happy that you found Alanon. Your not alone, we have all been in near situation as yours. We have all been affected by someone we love that drinks or has a drinking problem. There is hope.
Personally, *Alanon offers tools to help me take care of me and learn to focus on my self. TO live each day one day at a time. To Let Go and Let HP/God. There is a way towards defining my inner peace and working the steps help me each day to a more fulfilling way with the help of my Higher Power / God.
((wanderlust)))<<<<hugs!
there are meetings here in the chat room at set times too. Come in and chat, listen to some wonderful es&h (Experience Strength and Hope) along with letting your self become more acquainted with the Alanon Program.
if you'd like some help locating a local group in your area , please click on my name and then send me a private message. i will be happy to help you with this. There are the most wonderful understanding people in face to face meetings (f2f) who will be there to give you their experience strength and hope and introduce you to the way the program, the literature and working the steps can be a wonderful awakening to a beauiful experience. You and your Higher Power/ (HP) / God. HUGS and HUGS!
Hope to see you in chat too~~~ Keep LookingUPKeep Coming Back
~ You are here a wonderful first step. 
I am so very happy that you found Alanon. 
Your not alone, we have all been in near situation as yours. We have all been affected by someone we love that drinks or has a drinking problem. There is hope. 
<<hugs!
wonderful es&h 
(Experience Strength and Hope) along with letting your self become more acquainted with the Alanon Program.
Keep Coming Back