The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel like unclaimed baggage.......... everyone has heard of others having baggage. Well I do not even want this baggage. I have a migraine big time. One of my worst abused dogs......... she did not like anyone but the two of us and a little girl. We had her since she was 2 months old. Her name was Trouble, the little girl named her when she was a puppy. The kids in Atlanta went out of their way to throw chunks of gravel & concrete at her. Trouble gave us kisses even the little girl. She played with our goats & squeaky toys without tearing them up. We believe troub was having problems in her head not too many months. She tore up her metal crate. she did not get along with any other dogs but the boys. She always attacked the alpha dog. Anyone else came near her she would go for their crotch. She would growl with an inwards & outwards breath. Well this week she died. We think it was Bloat. There is not a whole lot to be done to treat bloat. Trouble was 9 years old.
So I told my boss ( since March) & she is like well you have too many animals. I am sorry for you but it is good. We have heard so many others tell us we have too many but in the past year we have lost 4 of our seniors. We do not have human children so these are our children. It hurts. We have not taken in any animals since April 21, 2005. We know have 29 dogs, 9 cats, 2 ducks & 2 goats. 20 of which are up for adoption. God is helping us take care of them. We have gotten donated dog food since last year. Everyone is heartworm negative, on prevention, up to date on rabies, & vacs. So how is it harming anyone else that we have this many?
We called our new friends ( less than a year) this one is starting an animal shelter here. She was so nonshalont. And proceeded to lay into Tina about everything. Hey who does not have problems? It does not mean you need to jump on others. It seems like a few people seem to feel better by making us feel smaller or lesser. We have only been friends with them a short time. You know what? I do not need such negative friends. I do not understand how someone can feel good by making someone else hurt. So what I cry tough too bad they can not. I have told others that say we have too many to please come by & pick & chose which ones they think we should euthanize. I am not looking for anyone elses pity I just needed to vent. I want to go off on those negative people but they would not get it. I will just pray that one day they feel & have emotions. I have been on antidepressants since 1989. I wonder if I am emotional disturbed or handicapped.I will talk to my counselor. I did ask about ADD Adult Deficit disorder. I was told to learn to cope. I am thinking of going to an anger management class.
The other thing this week, My Boss has the same birthdate as my father. I have not spoke to my father in about 15 years. So we had a meeting with the other caretaker. Supposedly, she thinks I stabbed her in the back. I thought I was helping by asking one of the adult kids to write her paycheck & work out next weeks schedule. She has somewhere to be one morning early. Well, the man we sit for does not like me. He thinks the other lady is his house keeper & the boss is his wife that left & divorced him in Jan. So I guess he does not know who the hell I am. He saw me laying down one day when I was doing exercises for my herniated disk in my back. He told the boss lady I was sleeping. And someone has been snoping in drawers & rooms that no one should go to. It was not me. I feel like suggesting that they do a back ground check on everyone if they do not trust us. I worked at a major bank wo years ago, we had to be fingerprinted & the FBI gave them my information, I have no crimainal record. I dispise being accused of stealing or lying. The more I meet people the more I like my animals.
On the good side, My A has been sober since the last Saturday in April. She is saying she wants to drink right now but knows that is not the right choice. We are drinking hot green tea again & again. I want to get drunk or high too but we are going to be around some of our positive non drinking friends.
It is funny those that do not have human kids seem to understand why we are hurting at this time. Happy Mothers Day!
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost two of my dogs in the last year. For me it is much harder to grieve over my animals than it has been for some of the people in my life that have passed. Not everyone feels that way. Try to be kind to yourself during this time. You'll be in my prayers.
