The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am once again amazed at how this program works. I was sharing at a meeting the other night about a situation I am faced with. I thought that the topic was "Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean". I have been struggling with this, as I felt like I was not being heard, so maybe it was the way in which I was saying it. I tend to go round and round, saying things a million different ways because I think I am not being heard. A very wise Al-anon member shared her ESH and said that she too used to do this but over time realized that she was in fact being heard. It was the response that was not fitting. Of course someone might not "hear" us the first time, but certainly after the second, they have heard it. So If I continue to say it, changing the wording, the timing, the tone, it then is not about the person I am speaking to. It is about the fact that I am not receiving the response I had hoped for. I am trying to control the response and hoping that if I just keep saying what I am saying the response will eventually meet MY expectations. Wow, resentment just waiting to happen. So, for today I have to be sure that I "Say what I mean, mean what I say and don't say it mean" and then just let it go. If I am saying something expecting the other person to react a certain way, chances are that will not happen.
Thank you for your share. LOL, I saw myself in your reading. And even though many many times I have heard someone share things they have done that I to have done, I still get a little tingly when I see my actions shared by someone else.
It is like HP is tapping me on the shoulder saying, "See, you need to work on that!"
Hmmmmmmm, guess I have to look at what I say and see if I have any expectations on the response as well. Wow we really are controling!
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Thank you. I really like the slogan! We are certainly works in progress, for we all do this. I only hope I can be this thoughtfully gentle about it next time I mess up (which is inevitable).
