The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been having some really bad times lately in my continuing battle with anxiety - I'm not sure whether it's my ADHD fueling the fires of anxiety, or my frustrations with just not being able to do what Al Anon has shown me that I need to be doing - I believe that the things that Al Anon has shown me I need to do - detachment with love, "Let go and let God", "One day at a time", "Stay inside MY hula hoop" - are the best actions that I could take, they're the right things to do - but my lack of faith, and fear that bad stuff will happen to my son, and of course not wanting to suffer myself when I see bad things happening in his life - those things all stack up and prevent me from doing what is, honestly, the best approach. I'm on the edge of doing the right things (I think), but I just don't have the faith \ courage \ trust to do it.
My adult son is actually doing pretty well - but, in my all-knowing wisdom, supported by the gift of being able to clearly see into the future, I just know that tomorrow or next month or next year some kinda stuff is gonna go sideways for my son, so given that, I need to do something now to head off those problems for him - even though nothing I've tried in the past has made much of a difference, and even though many of the "solutions" I've come up with for problems in my own life have turned out to be wrong - sometimes, VERY wrong.
The regrets I have from depriving my son the experience learning from his mistakes by dealing with the consequences of his actions weigh heavily on my mind. And, sure, I KNOW that I need to let go of the regrets and do things differently going forward - make some living amends - but like the anxiety, the regrets are also living rent-free in my head.
What do you guys do to deal with this kinda stuff ?
{{{Texas Yankee}}}. I wonder if you might re-read your post--you really have all the tools to take the needed steps. :)
This morning I woke up in such a grumpy mood, often have anxiety, and feel my coping skills are gone. What came to my mind was:
LET GO OR BE DRAGGED
And that about sums it up for me --need to lean into all my tools and take care of myself. I've spent years of my life worrying about things that may or may not happen, and what control to I have over others???? We know the answer: NONE.
It is shocking how quickly I can revert back to my old reactive behavior.
A delay in response time from my daughter, a slight overtone and my mind can jump to futurizing impending doom. Even when things are going really well, I can easily conjure up in my mind doom and gloom. It is maddening.
I know all the tools and the principles, yet sometimes for whatever reason I choose to not use them.
Again and again back to the drawing board I go.
I have found no other way, no short cuts etc. Lord knows I have looked for some lol.
Practicing patience with myself is my priority now. For so long, I put myself on the back burner trying to "help" others. They did not want my help, they did not need my "help".
