The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is all about catching ourselves when we are in negative thought patterns and "replacing them with positive thoughts". By adjusting the tape we have playing in our heads, we can transform our attitude and difficulties can become far more manageable or even, sometimes, enjoyable.
I think there is a lot of value in paying attention to our thoughts and adjusting them. For example, I love the process of seeing hurdles as individual challenges to navigate rather than as an overwhelming collection of problems and looking for my strengths, or other people's, when I am focused on the negative is wonderful. Gratitude lists too are a great way of adjusting my thinking when I am stuck in negativity.
But I do want to mention that I think people sometimes confuse this process and replace negative thoughts with "magical thinking" which can be even worse. I only mention this because when things have been really bad for me people have told me to "have faith" and "everything would work out great". But it didn't work out great; actually, it was really really bad for a very long time and I started to think there must be something wrong with me- for some reason I didn't deserve these magical changes that everyone said would take place if I just had faith and stayed positive etc! Positive thoughts- great. Magical thinking- not so great!
Now, I have literally just announced to my household that I am overwhelmed with problems today haha. I used those exact words. So I guess I had better set about reframing them as challenges lol. Wish me luck
-- Edited by Youknowme on Friday 15th of April 2022 09:35:18 AM
Thanks YKM for your service and this important concept. I'm a true believer that thoughts determine our feelings. That is not to say living in a fantasy world is the answer. But our slogans like: think, pause, ODAT, how important is it, keep it simple, etc., help at times of negative thinking. When I can let go and let God, recite the Serenity Prayer, or write on the board or contact a program friend or sponsor, life does feel better to me. I can regain hope and end the cycle of negative thinking. Oh, and practice, practice, practice, really helps. :)
Howdy You, thank you for your service and all for sharing your experience, strength and hope...you all are truly a blessing
The area of thought impact has always been one of high interest and formal study for me...fascinating and powerful.
As I see it, my world is made up of 3 main buckets:
1 Actions and events within my control
2 Actions of others, events outside of my control
3 How I choose to frame all actions and events
A large component of my higher power is the powerful concept of cause and effect. In this context, events and outcomes arrive at the intersection of actions and circumstances, both in and out of my control.
I believe that all things will 'work out', but it is extremely unlikely that that will be in the way that I anticipate. That is a good thing often, as I don't always know what is best for me, and expectation is a large contributor to disappointment. The program has helped me incredibly to allow things to develop without excessive anticipation or mental leaning for particular outcomes.
The one bucket I hold 100% power over is how I choose to frame all things. If I do not invest energy and effort into bucket #1, however, 100% effort into bucket #3 will bring me some peace but leave a high likelihood that my unchanged actions will contribute to the same or similar outcomes and events that require a large contribution from bucket #3 just to survive.
For me, my thinking and framing was a huge breakthrough and blessing of the program that also allowed and encouraged adjustment in the actions I could control, and thus change. Direct change to 2 of the 3 buckets that make up my reality turns out to make an incredible difference in my life, that also has the power to influence bucket #2. When I don't have to rely exclusively on bucket #3 for relief, it does feel like the universe is working with me rather than against...and I guess that's true...
So grateful for the power and wisdom of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
