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Hi to all on MIP, I hope this day is good and Serene to all. On reading in my Hope For Today on Feb, 3rd, it brought back memories to me as to how I was back then, and how I am today. I had many questions for myself, some good and some proving that I am a works in progress.
The person talks about her Grand Father giving her a Chimpanzee for a present and they were told that he gave it too them because their family thought that they looked like it. How after that, they were always self conscious of their appearance, and how much it affected them. But finding Al-Anon and working with a Sponsor, and working with Blueprint for Progress,she faced the Question of "Can I Accept their Appearance"? They answered "No". But with the help of their Sponsor, and Al-Anon they were able to start to turn it around and start to love and like herself.
For myself, I can relate to another version of that story, but similar. I had gone to my first Al-Anon Meeting, but it didn't work for me. I knew I was in trouble, as I knew I was on the verge of another Break Down, and I didn't want to go there again, for I knew what it was going to be like. I wasn't in a good place, I had recently left my Husband, living in a Home I didn't like, and cried a lot. I could feel desperate, but didn't know how to help myself. I got sick of crying everyday, being so down, but I had this doll, and it had too faces, one with a Happy Face, and the other, tears falling down. So I looked at her and knew she was going to help me find some peace, what I would do, each morning, and other times when the pain would come in again, stand in front of my Mirror, hold onto the doll, and look at her, and ask myself which face to I want and become for that day. Many days that all it took for me to stop crying and find my strength, and have a better day. She saved me.
I was out in my wilderness for 3months, but something told me to go back to Al-Anon and give it another go. I did, and then it started to work for me. I have been using it for many, many years. But I look at myself now, and can relate to how that other person felt about their self, as I was so damaged in that area, in my childhood, and my growing up years with being repeated being put down, and told I was Nothing. Those scars are really deep for me, I know that I have been able to heal some of them, but not all of them.
So, I ask my self 'Do I Love Me", I can say that I don't, not the way I need to. What I do know is that I like myself, who I have become and becoming. I have become my greatest friend, I can look into my mirror and be proud of who looks back at me. I know I have done a lot of work on myself and my attitudes, especially with other people, but I treat myself with respect, especially when I can feel myself being too hard on me. Dealing with my perfectionism,keeping it into perspective, is not easy for me, but I know I try. I can easily return trying to prove to others that I am worthy, and deserve to be treated with respect. I like the thought for today, as that is what I am trying to do to accept myself who I am becoming, and have come today.
"Thought For Today
How ready and willing and I today to invite the transforming power of acceptance into my will and my life"?
"Al-Anon offers us a new beginning...... We can learn to accept ourselves and become will to change our attitudes for the better."
{{{WendyP}}} It sounds like you love yourself.....maybe the concept is still too foreign.
In my FOO (family of origin) I was abused by an older brother with no protection from parents. It left me also feeling like I'm nothing, no self-esteem, just a defeated and depressed lump of a person. Over the years I made some progress with therapists, but nothing has helped me like this program. I'm 10 years in now, and I have come from self-hate to self-love. Someone on this board often says she is "perfectly imperfect." That sound right to me. I have flaws, I'm aware of them, and with the help of everything alanon has, I will strive to improve. But my first sponsor also taught me to see my assets, and I have a whole bunch of those. In the past I could only see the bad. Now I can see a whole human being. I love this program too, because I belong, I'm able to change and grow, I'm understood, and I'm encouraged to accept progress not perfection. Grateful member always.
Great share Wendy - thank you for the topic. I honestly don't think I fully understood what 'love' was let alone self-love until I arrived at recovery. Even still, it took me a long time to be able to be with me, be at peace with me and then to even enjoy 'me'.
I also came to Al-Anon twice. The first time, I was not ready and so utterly insane that I thought I didn't need it and it could not help me. In my case, my ego and self-will (plus fear) had me leave that room and return to fighting everything & everyone.
I returned when I truly was so defeated, I no longer wanted to live. My FOO was 'less than perfect' and it is in recovery that I found some reasons why. In my blood-line, the disease of alcoholism runs very deep - 4 or 5 generations back. Both of my parents had fathers who were alcoholics, thus are untreated ACoA(s). Each has a vastly different experience - my father's youth was greatly impacted by his father's drinking and my mother was moved out and married prior to the disease advancing/progressing. Yet, they both have very strong characteristics of 'being affected by the disease' and it's not an excuse yet does give me comfort in knowing now more about the disease and how it reaches well beyond the one directly diseased.
As part of my morning routine, I do remind myself that I am loved, I am loving and I am lovable. Three simple yet critical elements in my morning routine simply because I am still working to define what love means to me. I do not view it as a feeling, but rather a choice. By using these affirmations, I truly feel different and believe what I affirm.
I am perfectly imperfect, as is all those I encounter. Life is the same - perfectly imperfect. I figure the more grounded I can remain, the more joy I can experience. I don't believe I was put her to be held hostage to my past or to be fearful of what's next. Losing several people close to me at young ages over the last year or so has helped me realize how truly important it is to 'seize the day'...
Take good care - I love you!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I know this is late, but I had some time to stop by, and your post resonated with me Wendy!
"I can look into my mirror and be proud of who looks back at me."
Your post was filled with sage thoughts, but this one line stood out to me. I believe this is where it all starts... this moment is where love and understanding of self can blossom. Kudos to you for doing the hard work to undo the years of chaos that has affected you! I also struggle with demanding perfection in myself. and in the past have done things way beyond what was healthy, just so I could prove (to whomever at the time) that I was worthy. Or on the other hand, I fail to "join" as I fear I won't be able to give it my "perfect all." I strive for acceptance that no one is ever perfect. And in that acceptance, I am gentler with myself (especially) and others as well.
When a person can look at their reflection and actually SEE themselves (their true selves) without disassociation clouding things, and can be proud, then the work they do on themselves (no matter the time length) has all been worth it. IMHO.
I just had to validate you today, Wendy!
& :heart
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
& :heart