The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon explains that comparing myself, my lot in life, with others leads to self-pity or resentment. Relying on others to applaud or admire me makes me dependent on others for my own contentment. Real contentment comes from looking at myself and seeing that my actions are in line with my own standards and ideals.
Thought for the day: Nothing has the power to hurt my feelings and stir up unwholesome emotions in me unless I allow it. I will do what is given me to do. I will do it as well as I can. That will be my inner security against which all outside battering will be powerless.
Quote from Marcus Aurelius, "Labor not as one who is wretched, nor yet as one who would be pitied or admired. Direct yourself to one thing only, to put yourself in motion and to check yourself at all times."
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In the past, I couldn't have told you what my own standards and ideals were -- and I judged myself a lot by how I measured up to others, or to what I thought others had, what others looked like, and how others behaved. And believed I fell short.
No more! I have learned that it is OK to be me, to think and feel how I think and feel, and that others can be themselves. I don't have to be them.
The program and step work have certainly get me to where I am today.
MIP friends, have you heard the saying "to compare is to despair?" And what do you think about it?
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. I spent most of my life in a cycle of competing and comparing - all within my own mind. Needless to say, it was not healthy and added a whole level of complexity to how this disease affected me as well as how my recovery work unfolds.
What I choose to believe today is my primary goal is to be happy, joyous, free and of service. While I accept and embrace this for myself in my quest to unconditionally love and accept me, I also embrace for all around me. I can readily admit that there are many in my path that choose vastly different than I - which bothered me forever and a day. I felt it was my 'duty' as one who 'loved' them to convince them of a 'better' (my) way.
My best gift I can often give to those I seek to understand is a smile, positive thoughts and prayers. I don't have to understand or like what's going on, but if I want to be spiritually fit and have serenity, I truly must accept. I do all that I can to not return to that space where I am comparing what I feel inside to what others show me on the outside - simply because, in that state of mind, I am the loser every time.
Happy Friday all - another cold day here with some warmer weather coming for the weekend! I'm looking forward to some golf and football - and am excited for both.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks FT for your service and for all the above ESH. My early years were spent feeling less than everyone else. I couldn't see any value or worth in myself, even though I excelled in performing arts. I must have painted a big L on my forehead for "loser." That's what I was taught in my FOO and then with addicted partners.
As one of you mentioned above, one of the pearls of wisdom Betty left me with was to "compare=despair." I'm glad that stuck with me. It makes perfect sense, and the only person I now look at is to myself--am I becoming a better person, am I reaching my goals, what can I do better, and what have I done that's great! I have a whole new life thanks to program.
