The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about the importance of anonymity. It speaks of leaving behind labels and everything that comes with them. When I first came to al-anon, I wanted people to hear me and know who I was. I didn't really understand the concept of anonymity, because I was so anxious for people to hear me. I felt fractured and small and I had been beaten up so much, I wanted people to see and understand me so I could feel validated. It was all about me. Today I understand anonymity a bit better. I can become healthier without people knowing who I am. There's no need for me to shout to be heard. Anonymity means that I am part of something bigger than I am.
-- Edited by Youknowme on Thursday 20th of January 2022 02:37:13 AM
Thank you ymk for your service and share. When I was new to program I was afraid people would judge me, and not keep my thoughts private. I guess two things have happened: first, I'm so grateful for this program I tell people myself I attend alanon and I proud of it! The second thing that happened is that although I expect group members to not reveal what others say, I no longer care about that either! I can't say enough about how alanon has spared me a life of misery, and turned me around so that I can enjoy myself and my family and friends no matter what my alcoholic is doing. I'm a grateful member everyday. :)
Thank you, YKM, for sharing on this great topic. I love, love, love our principle of anonymity.
At first in the program, I noticed how anonymity protected everyone's privacy. I understood this was to avoid shame for the alcoholic and their family -- but now I also realize anonymity is important because I don't have permission to tell someone else's story, only my story.
I think another value of anonymity is humility. I am not higher or lower than anyone else in the program. It doesn't matter what my last name is, where I live, where I work, how many educational degrees I have, how much money I have. We are all respected the same. I can learn from any member, regardless of outside issues. Also, as a wise member recently reminded me, no one in the program gets to push me around.
Anonymity helps me focus on what is important about each of us -- our inner being, not our outer shell.
Happy Thursday all - thank you YKM for your service and the daily. I am a very private person and am grateful for the concept of anonymity. It makes me feel safer than if I were 'spilling my guts' in public or at work or ... I know that what I say 'here' stays here and others listen for similarities to share their own ESH in the hopes it will help me.
As one who spent a lifetime competing and comparing myself to others in every avenue of life, anonymity also 'levels the playing field'...Recovery includes young, old, ministers, sinners -- people from all walks of life with varying life experiences. We are all equal when together, no matter length of recovery or status.
This concept has truly helped me with boundaries in Al-Anon simply because I believe it's my responsibility to safeguard my anonymity as well as that of other members, my qualifiers, etc. I do not ever have the right to share another person's story. If I can't share without 'that', I'm not yet ready to share; I am instead still in the processing stage. Reflecting on this concept has helped me embrace that no matter what another is/is not doing, how I receive, react and 'wear' that is my choice.
Enjoy the day all -- it's super, duper cold here - I am enjoying hibernating!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
If anonymity was not such big part of the program , I probably would not have joined. At first, it was because I did not want any one to know, then it became about protecting my qualifier. Now none of it matters. I have met and learned from people in all walks of life. Many whom I did not "like" in the beginning have turned out to be my greatest teachers. We all bring something to the table and there is no experts here.
