The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My grown son is one of the most precious blessings in my life. Over time we have had many conflicts which we always get past. Another one occurred Friday night, details unimportant. My A looks for opportunities to put him down, as they have been estranged for nearly 5 yrs. What I did, instead of getting very sad and moping around, was have a marvelous facetime with my sister (who lives far away), and accomplished a few things around the house which are hard to find time to do. I moved past the pain and just carried on. I believe program has taught me this. My A cannot understand it and said she feels sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me--no need for a pity party. I accept that we cannot have a perfect mom/son relationship, and I do not have to hold a grudge or resentment.
Thank you Lyne for your share - I almost didn't read simply because the topic 'title' does not ring true for me. Life brings about pain and joy, blessings and disappointments, and many other up/down or good/bad situations. For me, in recovery, I've come to accept that pain is a part of our human experience yet we have a choice how we deal with it and heal from it.
I love that you made a choice to 'do' for you and set aside the 'chatter' from others. I am finding that others are often well-meaning and our have good intentions yet truly don't get a say in how I feel or how I process. Likewise, I'm learning to offer that in return - I do not know what's in the mind/heart of any other person at any given time...when I stay within my own hula-hoop and keep my focus on me, it's amazing how things tend to work out without my intervention.
I rarely talk about my kids and our relationship (affected by this disease so dysfunctional most of the time) simply because I have no desire to hear outside opinions/thoughts. This includes my AH simply because we see things differently - as we are different people. I share my deepest thoughts, fears, etc. with my sponsor or trusted program friends because I know they will suggest I let go, let God and keep the focus on me, my serenity and my recovery.
What I am finding is the more energy I use focused on me, my program, my recovery, my authentic relationships - those I choose to nurture - have way less pain that those I tried to force before recovery. I have grown to love myself enough to set aside toxicity and instead spend time and energy with those who value me for me, not for what I bring/do.
Keep doing what you're doing - it looks great on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
