The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading deals with the interpretation of some words and phrases from the program and how our understanding might evolve over the years. The writer describes hearing defects of character and shortcomings from steps 6 and 7; the writer heard these words as ways that he/she was defective in some way. Through program work and reflection, the writer saw that any so called problem areas were actually modes of survival at a time when needed. Life in Alanon became more serene, so those defense mechanisms started to work against the writer and the serenity of life. The writer aimed for perfection, fixated on every detail, word and action that in the writers opinion, needed to be fixed. Doing an inventory was exhausting and overwhelming, and then another member brought up that a grocer will do an inventory of whats on the shelves on that day not yesterday and not what might be there tomorrow. This helped bring perspective into the moment and made the inventory manageable.
I remember bringing up with my sponsor my realization that sarcasm was mean spirited. I grew up in a big family, and sarcastic humor was always part of clamoring for the laugh. We all wanted to be the one who delivered the punch line. It took me well into my adulthood to see that the punchline can truly feel like a punch to the recipient of the sarcasm. All of that said, my sponsor then reminded me that at one time the sarcasm was useful in some way to me, and it had gone from being a tool to being something that stood in the way of serenity. I work on this all the time, as being sarcastic is such an in ground default for me.
The thought for the day is a great reminder for us: Paying attention to how I listen, and how I interpret what I hear, can aid my recovery.
Good Day. Thank you for your service/ESH. I can completely relate to sarcasm as a coping mechanism. An employer gave me a glowing reference and when asked about my weaknesses, he noted that I had a dry wit . At that company, I was the only female in my department and I used sarcasm to push back against team members that were socialized to believe my job was to serve them. As another member pointed out, "defects became coping mechanisms...good qualities gone rogue" (lol). In my step 4, I noticed this is a trait I picked up from my father and since childhood, the style of humour I enjoyed. Al-Anon is teaching me to be mindful of hurtful comments disguised as a joke.
Have a wonderful Sunday.
Good Sunday morning MIP!! Thank you Mary for your service.
I am especially relating to the reading and both shares today. Food for thought for sure.
I have learned that sometimes, the coping mechanism of dry humor is the way humans respond when they can't full out express their negative feelings about something. I completely understand Daffodils share about her workplace. Sometimes, full-on honesty cannot serve you well, but some sort of boundary must be employed. As women, we have been taught to serve at the pleasure of others (I know, a generalization - but look at our societal norms throughout history). Things are getting better in this department IMHO, but it is a very slow process!
I actually love a dry wit, or sarcastic humor. It is also what I grew up around. Very rarely have I thought of it as mean-spirited - even when directed at me. Remember the Comedy Roasts? When Mary first shared this concept here, it really made me change my thinking. Now I am much more cautious about my "slap-backs." I may think them, but I don't always say them.
I am a work in progress.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
