The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster for years. Although it is not as fast right now I am doing better. Starting over for me is also a bit emotional. However, not as crazy as living with an active A.
I have been to see an attorney, know where I stand. Trying to move forward, this is all very new. I have been married to my A for l9 yrs, known him for 30......
My head is directing me but my heart is holding on...trying so very hard to listen to head. My head absolutely knows this is the road I must travel, heart is another thing. I love him...and I hate him.
I know that I must start over because he will forever be an active A and addict. There is not one doubt about that.
So for me this is self-preservation for me and my kids. I must get out of this marriage and save myself.......I keep telling myself this everytime my heart breaks a little more.
The only thing I can be sure of right now is today......Today I have some serenity, none of those stressful worries.
I can smile and feel some peace and know that there is no other shoe to drop. That in itself is huge.........
Moving forward step by step, minute by minute, day by day......
You sound fantastic. I know that you will take the actions you need to in the time you need to. I am so happy for you. Are you still planning on taking that course in medical coding?
I am so glad that you are finally looking to be off the roller coaster. I feel the same love/hate for the A that I live with. Lately being detached has been so helpful. I am no longer totally drained by his stuff and more focused on my needs. Of course my needs have taken place for 6 years so there are a lot of them but I am conscious of them and conscious that I do not want to deal with the A or his family much more.
