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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Courage to Change 3/6
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 3/6
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
Date:
Courage to Change 3/6
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Good morning MIP and happy Saturday.  Today's reading talks about getting our needs met and asking for help.  Many of us, BR (Before Recovery), expected those close to us to know what we were feeling without us telling them.  When we were angry and wanted to argue, sometimes we silently fumed.  When we were hurt and wanted comfort, sometimes we pouted.  When we wanted attention, we talked non-stop.  We couldn't understand why we rarely got the responses we expected.

We learn in Al-Anon to no longer expect others to read our minds.  We accept that we also can't read the mind of loved ones.  We accept that nobody else readily knows what is in our hearts, minds and souls.  We learn that we must first explain what our needs are.  We also learn to stop expecting one person can meet all our needs and asking for help helps take the pressure off.  We learn to treat the people in our life with more respect because we are learning to ask for what we need and encourage them to do the same.

Reminder:  Help, comfort, and support are available to me.  I am willing to reach out for what I need today.

Quote from . . . In All Our Affairs:  "I cannot expect anyone to help me unless I am willing to share that I need help."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before recovery, I felt weak and incompetent at times asking for help.  Big things, small things, heavy things, simple things - I just had this unwillingness to speak up and ask.  I can also readily admit that I did expect others to know what I needed without being told and did my fair share of silent scorn, pouting, etc.

What I've learned in recovery is that even those of us raised in the same home see things differently, value things differently and have vastly different needs.  When I can articulate my needs vs. my wants, and ask for help, amazingly enough things do feel lighter and easier.

I also no longer spend my time trying to read the mind, heart or soul of others.  We are all different, with different motives, needs, etc. and I have spent far too much time and energy trying to understand the mind and actions of others.  I'm better today at allowing others to be who they need to be and keeping myself in my own lane.

My expectations and motives have changed drastically as I've embraced this program of recovery.  I have a much better attitude and outlook as I trust the God of my understanding and live one day at a time.  I am beyond words grateful to wake up each morning with a glimmer of hope and the choice of how my day will be.  When I was chasing this disease and those active in it, I woke up with anxiety and dread, carried it all day and laid down with it as well.

Enjoy your day all - we have spring temperatures, sunshine and I'm adulting this morning and golfing this afternoon.  Love and light to all!!



__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Debb


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 579
Date:
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Thank you IAH for todays C2C, your service and ESH.

Seeking and asking questions when I am troubled was really not an issue for me, but understanding

what is the cause of my troubled mind can sometimes be a challenge. I think because there usually

is more than one issue, hence not always a simple task. Al-Anon Steps help me to uncover or peel

back the layers so that I can better understand what questions and help I need. I very rarely ask

AH to address my needs because he mostly see himself first and I truly and totally accept that.

I have learned to find comfort/peace/serenity with myself personally and then everything seems to

fall into place as far as understanding who I maybe dealing with that I feel is not meeting my

expectations, another words I ask myself is it that important or is it only going to cause more

grief. I feel grateful for the place I am in right now, I still worry about certain things like finances

and health issues, but am always seeking tangible plans to some how manage those worries, but

from a personal standpoint I have come to a mentally peaceful place as far as my personal

emotions and needs. It is what I find I have to do in order to live under the circumstances

and with the help of Al-Anon/MIP it works when you work it!!

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
Lyne


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2768
Date:
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Thank you IAH for your service which I just noticed, and for the wonderful ESH above. I can see so much dysfunction in myself by remembering how I was BR. In my young adulthood and first marriage to an A, I felt so incompetent, so scared, and always expected others not to like me. I was very dependent on very sick people, and what a mess that was! Fast forward to now, strong recovery in progress, and so I try to do whatever I can myself. However when I do really need help, I'm OK to ask for it. The whole mind reading thing is very familiar, and I think as I have come to learn about boundaries, live and let live, etc., I have learned many lessons about focusing on myself. This program continues to amaze me. Grateful.


__________________

Lyne
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Courage to Change 3/6