The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A few years ago my SO and I went to Stepping Stones north of NYC.
This was to be a retreat for them- but there were oodles of people there- a lot of the time.
I think there was hope bursting from every bud- in the woods around the house.
Because we were overseas visitors- we were actually the only visitors there on the day.
I was able to buy the latest Lois's very video story from their very own garage.
I wept tears of joy and relief at their kitchen table as the archivist played an audio.
In my thinking and direction I regard Bill W. as an adult child- as well as an A.
He was born behind a bar in East Dorset, Vermont.
He and his sister were abandoned by their separating parents. The kids were raised by their Welsh American grandparents, the Griffith's...
Anyway, the archivist at this visit talked a lot about his work. I said that it was a pity that AA, or Alanon did not have an academy somewhere- where different aspects of recovery could be studied and practised.
By the members themselves, of course.
Of course it would take decades to get a proposal like this into conference, let alone let passed by one single group!
Our online groups like this one is a very suitable venue. Where people just share what they know about the programme. The approaches that have worked for them- from around the world. Plan, good old simple, ESH.
In my journey within this group I meditated on Concept 4:- "Participation is the key to unity."
In my meditation I realised that I put lots and lots of energy into keeping things together and unified. I think we all do.
But I considered that a sense of personal unity was a hard won prize. Unity of purpose, wholeness, oneness:- serenity, in one word, the priceless gift.
This form of sharing- journalling, really can be very powerful. Of course, it cannot replace professional help- when we need it.
And that one comes down to personal choice, and need.
I put a lot of thought into what creates a healthy group conscience. And I com back to one of our favourite phrases- let it begin with me.
I am putting in some extra effort today. I have finished my yard job- putting in a sump- a sink hole for stormwater drainage. I have earned the right to wrote.
This weekend, HP willing, I am going to the big city with two other members for an Alanon workshop. 6 hours total of car time with members is a precious commodity, in itself!
I was trap that I was selected from our group of three- by the resident older member- to get along to this workshop. I am pleased as punch to be asked! Chuffed- in other words.
And I plan to keep going along so I can report back- provide feedback. ...
If people read my postings closely they might get concerned with rivers here- and gorges there. We live here- in the mountains at the confluence of two large rivers- and there are actually two gorges! And one main river branching into two!
Beside that our part of the valley is flooded by a hydro-electric dam. Can't actually sneeze at that- because when the dam was built- the construction crews bought both AA and Alanon into our neck of the woods!
Some of you might have read aspects of this share before.
In my original home group I learned to revert back to a Step One share if a newcomer came into the rooms.
This is a good thing for me too- because it helps me to sum up where ah is at! ...
In my first shares here- the postings were full of bloopers and typo's.
I do have to do a bit of self-correcting as I go along- but nothing at all like then.
I am so glad you had a great time at Stepping Stones
I used to have a hard time dealing with founders week
I didnt know what all the fuss was about .
Now I certainly appreciatd the founders immendely. Almost weekly I come to appreciate their genius.
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them deeply.
I am beginning to feel the impact of the extensive journalling here. In terms of peace of mind, and clarity of thought.
I am attending a workshop in two days time- and want to be at my best. I have a certain amount od anger and resentment
towards Alanon- for not being perfect, and not coming up to scratch- all of the time.
Very secondary to my FOO. But in many ways Alanon broadly has become my FOO. At one time I called it my GOO, my Group Of Origin.
I am just not going to rehearse my hurts. Two individuals, maybe- and some time ago. Who, maybe let me/us and Alanon down.
In some communities Alanon is close to extinction around here. Compared to 40 years ago there are agencies dealing with alcoholism. And they have different agendas.
AA is an icon in the USA. Less understood else where. Alanon can be invisible. Some people might confuse it with Synanon. or identify is as a movement for woman alcoholics.
I am with a tiny group to the west of here. The group north of here is in permanent recess. The two other permanent members formed the group conscience, but did not include me. [Maybe because I came from another town]. One incoming member- who might have been a stayer, began to talk about codependency- and she was sent out of the meeting! ... progress or perfection!
Th group I go to know is also tiny. Hit hard by Covid-19. But the older member there welcomed me with open arms. She shared her roles with me- and mandated me to go to the Saturday workshop.
This member had some really strong insight and ESH to share with the group. ...
The group south of me offered to have a conscience meeting- and come along and support me setting up a group here.
But I opted to support a group which was still operating.
We would need two keen members here, in this town. I don't need meetings like I used to. I like to see newcomers become vibrant active members. As soon as they are able. And my role would be back-up and support.
I see us members as being works in progress. Groups also as works in progress.
Groups themselves go through stages. Sometimes they might face a crisis.
I think- when I used to face a group issue, or crisis, I would back off and play dead.
I do really know the difference between being assertive, and being aggressive. Well, I do now.
To being forthright, and not forceful.
And I am priming myself here for this workshop.
Our old timer south of here, Gwen, passed away during lockdown- and we had a great experience with her, on zoom, four days before she passed away. She made her own gracious farewell.
She and AA hubby 12th stepped a young male into to the group- and the group developed into a group with 3 or 4 males in it. The GR now is a keen member and a male.
The makeup of that group is irrelevant to me. A member is a member.
That group is still meeting on zoom- because it is functioning on Zoom with outside support. It's membership was fading F@F.
Regarding the survival of Alanon in these upland valleys. I use the serenity prayer. It is not up to me entirely. It is far too easy for me to slip into my old family role.
My SO having her breakfast- getting ready for work... and i discuss this last point with her. Consolidate.
I am as good as I can be.
And so grateful to be here, with my extra support. ...
Thanks.
-- Edited by DavidG on Wednesday 24th of February 2021 02:56:14 PM
I grew up in rural poverty. If any of you read Erskine Caldwell's "Tobacco Road" it wasn't as bad as that. We had lots of pets, horses, etc etc. We can from a kind caring and loving community. I was always top in class at school. At age 17 i was kicked out for home for sticking up for my younger sister. So in that pst year I came second in the school.
So by age 19 I was living close to the streets. My friends were street people- junkies. Heroin users.
I was placed out on a railway gang where i thrived for a while and got promotion.
I had grown up with field work and ditch digging, and had an aptitude for it.
I really struggled hard to survive- and for me it is a lifetime journey.
I am so grateful to be here.
In recent times I have been tearing up- as I reflect on the deep gratitude i have.
You other people letting me into your lives- sharing your ESH.
This gives me a deep sense of identity- that I so sadly lacked.
thanks y'all, from the bottom of my heart! ... ......
...
... progress or perfection!