Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

February 19 - Courage to Change

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

FT just love today's reading!! Thank you for your service and ESH.

I looked at my first attempt to do the Fourth Step Inventory and discovered that my biggest task

was to work on my confidence. My lack of confidence made me fearful and difficult and discovered

that it had a lot to do with being bombarded with the inhumane ranting that I was subjected to by

the alcoholic ranting for 15 years. When I learned that ranting and insults were a product of the

disease I was able to slowly regain my life and personality back. I needed to make many amends

in the process, with not only to myself but with my family and friends because of my defensive

personality and the havoc that it reeked. The amends were made in a daily and slow process that

showed my actions/intents are changing to a more compassionate and understanding person. You

are right FT it is a subtle and gradual experience that I am so glad Al-Anon gave me the tools and

opportunity to do.

-- Edited by Debb on Friday 19th of February 2021 08:49:12 AM

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks FT for your service and for both all above ESH. I dreaded step 4 the first time I did my steps. I thought (Betty) my sponsor would finally see who I really am and perhaps not want to work with me any longer. Now it seems so ridiculous to me. But I was so depleted emotionally and spiritually, it was hard to see anything positive about myself at all. What I learned is that I will not be despised for my flaws, and in fact, I had many assets! Betty made sure I saw all of those and she helped me to see myself in a different light. I am so grateful that I had the urge to do the steps for the second time, and this occurred during Betty's last year of life. This time I approached the steps with self-esteem and self-respect. I had learned I cannot be perfect but it is OK to see my character defects and work on them accordingly. I'm sure I will do the steps again, but without fear or shame. Always grateful for Betty and program.

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you FT for your service. My first attempts at the 4th step were difficult. Then I learmed I was supposed to add in the assets. For a long time I did not feel I had any

I never did manage to work on a fotmalized 4th step with a sponsor. I still have maby grief/rage issues from dealing wuth my qualifier

I.still very much struggle around people with a sibstance abuse disorder. However I am noving to a place of having more compassion for them. I do hope that will move ne into a place of feeling compassion for the qualifief. At the moment I feel rage and frustration. Pleass keep in mimd this relationshio was some years ago.

My dear friend who.committed suicide was a #functioning# alcoholic. When he gave up alcohol he fell into a depression.

I am in a suport group to delal with his suicide. Unfortunately even that telatiomship has many issues for me. My expectations being one of them

I am grateful to be in a place to see how extremely difficult it is to deal with any alcoholic. Now I have moved to a place where I send tremendous boundaries around anyone with alcoholism (think huge walls) The pain related to their self destructiveness is too great

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Happy Friday MIP! I just want to admit upfront that negotiating a new car in a pain in the arse. Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH.

I'd like to admit that I not only obsessed about the 4th Step, I obsessed about all the steps - looking to do it 'perfect' to relieve pain and change things, wanting to go as fast as possible - same reasons and of course, over-thinking every darn thing as well as over-analyzing...Gosh - my approach to life, work, recovery - just about everything - was exhausting for myself, and probably also for others.

The steps have shown me many different ways that living with this disease in others affected me. Most eye-opening is that I woke up with dread/anticipation for the worst each morning and went to bed much the same. The worry and projection was constant. I do know that my worry came from a place of love, yet there's no doubt I overstepped again and again, trying to change, manage, control others - not just my A(s).

What I know now is that I don't know best for anyone else. Some days, I don't even know what's best for me. What I do know and one of the biggest changes for me is that when I can truly try to live just one day at a time, set aside my desire for perfect/happy outcomes and just do the next right thing for me while trusting my HP, things truly do work out as they are supposed to.

I'm grateful that much of my self-imposed stress and anxiety has been reduced greatly by trusting this program and working it as best I can. I'm really grateful that the steps are NOT 'one and done' - we can work them again at any time, pick and choose, apply to other 'people, places & things' and while I still don't have the answers to fix other people, I do have a large toolbox to work on me.

It's still cold here but I am thrilled to report we're no longer a 'frozen tundra'. We have reached freezing today - grateful. We have also had sunshine 2 days in a row and it's just amazing to me how this brightens my mood/day. I hope everyone has a lovely 'weekend eve'! (((Hugs)))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene