I started a grief support group yesterday night 

Going to the group actually related to a friend of mine  who committed suicide. 

At the time of his suicide my therapist told me I needed to know exactly what happened around his entirely unexoected death. 

One of my charactor traits is righteousness.  I am very good at being righteous. 

My friend was surrounded by people who knew he was suicidal when he died. He was not alone but they did not know how to respond. I opted not to go and delve into who what when. 

I held back. That is not my normal mode of doing things. 

So there was this gap in the therapy because I opted out of his suggestions 

In the group last night the other members were talking about all the events that surrounded their friend's/,significant others suicide.  I know none of the events about my friend's suicide except on the day he was wretched.

Under normal circumstances (if there is a normal with suicide) I would be incredibly into the #should's# of what should have been done    I credit al anon for this ability to detach under duress. I also credit al anon for my ability to be forgiving to those who were around him on that fateful day.  

I am indeed still shocked by my friend's death but my grief does not take priority over everyone else's.  My grief is part of the picture rather than the only picture 

Of course when I am dealing with grief I think about the sudden loss of our dear Betty. I am so glad that we were able to.come together as a group to grieve her loss.   Some of us knew Betty very well and were devastated. Nevertheless we were all able to create a space where everyone got to share and celebrate her fulfilling life. I know from hearing yesterday about the grief that surrounds certain deaths that many people can behave inapppropriately. 

When my mother died my qualifier was completely unsupportive and even hostile. His father had died from cancer a few years before that event. He said my grief brought up.mhis grief and he punished me for it.  He was completely unavailable to support me.  That was nothing new of course 

Certainly grief can bring out charactor traits that are objectionable.  I met my friend who committed suicide in a job where the environment was maleovolent to say the least. Nevertheless they put on a facade of conviviality which was compelling  In reality the place was completely devoid of compassion and kindness. 

That is not to mention complete self centeredness to the point of obsession. 

Therefore it is not really that shocking that he did not receive any help on that sad fateful day when he could not take any more of this life .  He was sadly in desert that day surrounded by people who cannot relate 

Thank you all for making it possible to grieve the loss of our dear Betty. I think of her every day. I know she would have been our #rock# during Covid.  I know she would have known just what to say as we went in and out of shut down's, curfews and all the rest of it. Betty was such a formidable spirit and so resolute in her program. Today I will be going to the hairdresser and I will be there in the spirit of Betty who always loved dressing up, having her hair done.  Betty found a reason to smile every day. She was my rock in so many ways I am just beginning to address. 

Maresie