The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today in Courage to Change, the pages talk about Step 3: we "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the the care of God as we understood Him." I will be quoting directly from the pages:
"This is a big decision for those of us who have a tough time making even small decisions. Until I found Al-Anon, I tended to let others decided how I should live, where I should go, and what I should do. The paradox is that, though I took little responsibility for my own life, I saw myself as an expert on everyone else's life and felt accountable for all that happened.
The order in which the first three Steps are written helps me to overcome these attitude problems. First, I accept my inability to control the disease of alcoholism and admit that my life is unmanageable. Next, I come to believe that a Power greater than myself can help. After taking these two Steps, it becomes possible, desirable, and even logical, to make the enormous decision to trust my life to a Higher Power's care.
Today's Reminder:
At the start of each day I can make the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. This way I begin my day with a strong assertion that I choose to accept the reality of my life. I am moving in a healthy direction, growing ever more able to live a good life and to love those I meet along the way."
"THE GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING." MY OWN PERSONAL HIGHER POWER. THAT KNOWS ME AND WANTS WHAT IS BEST, FOR ME!
Like I have come to learn, today's page is not exactly "like" me. But I can take what suits me and leave the rest.
Rainy day here... a rarity. I will enjoy every minute and exclaim, "Please sir, may we have some more!"
Enjoy your Saturdays MIP!
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I am much better releasing control than when I first came to Alanon... I still wrestle with it when things don't go my way. Somehow, I still feel it as a rejection, shame and an awareness of a gaping hole. When this happens, I lean in to my HP, program, and Alanon support. I am grateful!
Thank you PnP for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares & ESH. For me, Step 3 is just about making a decision to trust in something larger than me. I will never be a perfect person, and no longer try. I instead just focus on trying to be the best version of me, one day at a time. Step 3 is bigger than just this program for me. I practice this program and all the tools in all my affairs, and it serves me even when I have my doubts.
One of my very best friends passed this morning. She was 56 years old, and had a stroke. They kept her on life support long enough to find others for organ donation. I began my day with this awful news, and it rocked me to my core. I could go on and on with all the feelings I've had today and the places my mind has gone - truly not a good day at all in so many ways. Yet, because of this program, I did not completely loose myself, try to throw blame/shame, contact others beyond notifications, etc. I can say that I am beyond words sad to know that I'll never see her again, never laugh with her, walk with her, share with her, etc. I also am sad that because of this virus, we've not seen each other in a long, long while.
So, for me, just for today, Step 3 reminds me that her death is a loss that I can and will accept, when ready, yet she's got 5 kids who are probably hurting way, way more. It's OK for me to be gentle with me, be angry with the world, be sad for my friend's family & myself and just trust in a power greater than I to get me through this. I am grateful for the practice I've put into this program because I do know, through experience, that this huge pain I feel today and the void in my heart will pass, and there will be a time when I'll be able to recall our fun times. Who I am, how I feel, etc. is all much, much better than BR (Before Recovery) simply because I am willing to trust in a power greater than I, know I'm not alone and also know that this will get better. (((Hugs))) to all - if you are one who prays, please pray for my friend and her family. This was a completely, unexpected, untimely, gone-to-soon kind of shocking event, so any prayers will do.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
My recent dive into exploring complex post traumatic stress disorder has resulted in far more compassion for myself. Ingafe found a great deal.of peace for some asoects of my history which was extremely difficult for me to enbrace in the past. This surge of compassion is tremendously helpful particularly in these extremely difficult times
Moreover while I could always ambiguously link my traumatic childhood to my symptoms I could not see a big picture .
Now I can, of course, see a very clear structure and chain link.feom what I barely survived as a child to my relationship with the qualifier. Of course there is needless to say a very potent consequence of a lifetime of unmet needs.
The odds were of course always against me. Now I am no longer in a quandry about how I got to where I am
The odd thing of course is that throughout my process of negotisting my trauma and subsequent relationships is that I feel.a sense of tremendous relief when I come to have insights about my life. The irony is of course at the time of admitting tremendous losses and grief there is a sense of relief. It is like I have held my breath in fear for decades
Now I can feel enough to breathe
& 