The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author was concerned that their newly sober family member would start drinking again, even trying to control other family members' behavior so they wouldn't cause the alcoholic to relapse -- and this attempt at control was rejected!
Finally the author accepted that they were just as powerless over someone else's sobriety as they had been over someone else's drinking. This gave the author a new lease on life -- no longer having to watch over the alcoholic, and being "free to live my own life." The author discovered that they can love and care about someone -- and also leave that person in the care of their own higher power.
Today's Reminder: Today I choose to place my trust in that Higher Power, knowing that all is well.
Quote from Al-Anon Family Groups: If we supply the willingness, God supplies the power.
I remember walking on eggshells and having all kinds of magical thinking for how to prevent or control the alcoholic's behavior. For anyone living in the same household as an alcoholic -- which I was for a number of years without Al-Anon -- this has to be very challenging. Letting go is the solution -- and when it has to be done over and over, that's not easy. I think practice makes progress.
I was just thinking about the slogan Keep It Simple. It is a great principle, but getting to "simple" is not always easy for me. It takes work to get there, and sometimes I spend a lot of time going in circles before I get to the simple solution - which often includes remembering that I can get help with the problem.
Just the other day, I was very stressed about a volunteer project. I was going around in circles to try to prevent anyone else from having difficulty with what I was setting up, and fearing that my phone was going to blow up with people calling me about problems they ran into, and that I wouldn't be able to fix things for them..
But ... at the end of that stressful day, one of the leaders of the organization called me out of the blue -- he had never called me before -- just to see how I was doing and how I was coping with this new project. I felt so much better! Someone else emailed me, saying not to worry about getting this project done fast, because "we all have enough stress these days." And then someone in the group did have a problem, but guess what -- another member stepped up to help them. I did not have to do it all myself!
That is how my higher power works. I guess when I am walking on eggshells, the Higher Power hears my footsteps and comes along to help me.
Thanks FT for your service and both above shares. Oh how I can relate! I was going to fix my A! I would restore our marriage! NOPE, and it was a hard lesson to learn, that I couldn't stop, force, control, etc., anyone about anything. Now years into program, it makes perfect sense, and I too have found a freedom I never had before. Freedom to be me, to experience joy, to feel peaceful, no matter what my A is doing, most of the time. Progress not perfection ODAT.
One of my kids needed someone to talk to(vent to) recently. He was talking about his SO and her drinking problem and how he has been trying so hard to help her not drink when she decides to quit. And how when she does drink he tries to control the amount she consumes by sneaking and filling the vodka bottle with water, hiding alcohol, etc. It made me extremely sad to hear everything he was saying. Especially to realize it was also my own story. It sounded like complete insanity tbh.
I listened to him without giving advice or telling him what he should or shouldn't do. The only thing I did say was "have you ever heard of Alanon"? His reply was he didn't need that so I didn't say anymore.
He told me he hopes that she loves him enough to stay sober. I did tell him if love was enough to keep someone sober there wouldn't be any addicts/alcoholics. That one thing I know for sure is that I can't control someone else's addiction, I can't make anyone not drink or use drugs no matter what I do or say.
It was then that I realized I already KNOW/KNEW I am powerless over someone else, I just haven't wanted to admit it or accept it.
Happy Friday all - thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. It is only through the many relapses after treatment around my home that I got to really practice powerlessness over relapse, the disease, the diseased, etc. I vividly recall that early on, I really thought that I could 'change' things just enough that my A would not be tempted to relapse. It took me a long while to accept I had absolutely no part in if one stayed sober/not, relapsed/not, went to meetings/not, on and on it goes.
Choosing to let go and let God is still not a natural response for me when Life happens. I still have to pull out my toolbox, consider what's happening, select a tool and practice, practice, practice. I can say that I pray and meditate and turn to my HP faster than before and find relief faster than before, but I am still a Miracle in Progress and always will be.
It's cold here but we do have sunshine and I'm grateful! The gray, cloudy days are just not my favorite so I'll take sunshine anytime! Love and light all - make it a great day...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service, Freetime. Great share! Especially relating it to work... many Al-Anon tools can be utilized at work, but it can be tricky b/c the work environment is such a results-driven environment.
I tried for so many years to make "Life" perfect for my spouse once we rejoined after rehab. I found that I could control nothing. Sobering revelation.
Great job, SunnyFrogs! It can be so hard to bite the tongue and just listen. I loved your entire share!! You have arrived at Acceptance!
Find some JOY this Friday!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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