The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about all of the tools that are available to us in alanon to help us make our way through our lives. The writer begins with a reminder for us to consider alcoholism as a disease, not a fault. We can recover from the effects of this disease, although I am thinking about how recovery isnt something we achieve, but always work at. The meetings, steps, slogans and service are all ways for us to gain strength. There is a sentence from this page that describes this way of life beautifully: Each moment becomes the one I have always been waiting for.
I know I have written before about my earliest days in alanon. I think of my favorite spot- the ocean- and how when I came to alanon I felt I had been knocked around by rip tide and washed up on shore. I was unsteady as I stood up but little by little, with all of the tools above and the consistency of a patient and loving sponsor, I got stronger and kept stepping. Im grateful to have the strength and wisdom of everyone here.... and hope this new year gets off to a great start for all.
Good morning MIP and happy Sunday to all! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to all others for your shares and ESH. I love that this reading reminds us that Alcoholism is a disease and not a fault. If I were in charge (ha.ha.ha.ha....), every daily would remind us of this. Most of my insanity, faulty expectations and despair circled around this - I viewed the actions of others as a moral dilemma or 'fault' and took it personally over and over and over again.
When I can accept and embrace 'this' as a disease, my desire to battle, control, change, etc. another diminishes greatly. Accepting and embracing this simple, yet powerful reality, for me, helps set my direction, one day at a time to work on me, change me, choose me and my serenity and joy! I am so grateful for the many, many tools provided to assist me in my efforts.
While I am always lifted by a New Year, I am also eternally grateful that Al-Anon suggested to me that I try to just live one day at a time. My lovely sponsor has reminded me many, many times that each day truly is a new beginning. I have the choice each day to bring forward the worries, pain, other from yesterday or not. I have the choice each day to worry and project about things not even here or not. I can also choose to just keep it simple, stay present and embrace what comes. I make it a daily effort to strive for the third point which gives me a 'new start' every 24 hours!
Looking forward to some football today. We've got dense fog outside and I have already picked up my curb-side grocery order. I and my car had not left my house since I last picked up groceries, which was Monday. I am truly very grateful that I have the freedom and flexibility to hibernate and stay home, trying to limit my exposure to this virus. I hope everyone chooses joy & serenity today - it's so much nicer than the alternative! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Happy New Year to you too, Mary! Thank you for your service.
As I grew up with close connections to the ocean, I love, love, love you analogy! I think I could say that I came to Al-Anon feeling like I had been treading water in the middle of the ocean for what felt like Eons! I was exhausted, and felt I could not go on.
The tools of Al-Anon helped me to gain strength... to understand what I needed... to accept I did not need to continue treading water if I did not want to. I must say, the tool of One Day at a Time has really helped me through this past pandemic year. Especially now. Most of the year, my state had "it" pretty good, compared to the rest of the country despite it's immense population. Now we are slammed, and are feeling the consequences of actions taken by some over the many holidays. I pray each day for my friends (and strangers) who work in nursing. It has gotten to the point that hospitals cannot admit patient's with any other condition/emergency. Each night my prayers are strong.
Even though I know that hard times are still in store for our country, I have hope for 2021. May your HP's bless you all in the way she sees fit!
&
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I thank HP for the tools. They feel like the life raft that saved me from drowning so many times years ago, what eventually caused me to realize, not only I know how to swim, but was swimming, and what allowed me to climb on shore and out of the turbulent sea all together. I am still MIP of course. The tools are a great comfort and empowerment that allows me to handle whatever lies ahead.
The best tool I have right now is coming here and doing what I am doing right now, soaking in different perspectives and interpretations on the daily readings and adding my own. I really. really like doing this. It makes me feel good and makes me feel hopeful too.
There's lots of positive, gentle ,empowering vibes here and I am grateful for that.
Dear Mary. Thank you so much for your wonderful picture of your cat who is most certainly securely attached and relishing every minute of it!
One of the calmest times in my life was when I was staying on a house boat albeit for a short time. Being by the water was extremely calming that was really helpful even though I was living with one of my qualifiers at the time. He was certainly volatile and resentful but I could rise above it because I was so soothed by being by the water
Alcoholism was certainly endemic in my family. Then as an adult I always felt very very familiar around it. The familiarity w as of course the sense of never getting my needs met and drowning in despait. I no longer feel as comfortable. In fact now I am decidely incomfortable around it. Thst includes certain persons in recovery from it. I simoly have far more compassion for myself these days. How good to have moved out of that survival mode
I feel like I am fsr more conscious of my own issues and moreover how to address them rather than suporess them.
Therefore I have gone from being other focused to being self focused. My issue was in trying to regulate the alcoholic in order to co regulate each other. The alcoholic on the other hand wanted to co regulate in ordee to use
I understand that now as I know we all stsrt off co-regulating with our parents. Ideally our parents provide a safe environment. In my case my environment was anything but safe. In fact it was comoletely soul destroying. Therefore I missed out on essential developmental tasks.
Then as a child develops they gradually have the ability to self regulate
Therr are indeed tools in al anon thst helo with that self regulation. They are tools that work. Nevertheless they are tools we have to use under immense stress. Then we set uo.the exoectation that we will indeed be good at using those tools somehow overnight. Talk about putting the pressure on!!
I get much better at using those tools. Nevertheless they are most useful for me when I am put of the range of fire.
I most certainly still deal with my former roommate. I no linger feel triggered by his behavior. But then I also do not live in his house and my interactions are limited. Very very limited. Therefore I am no longer trying to be Mother Teresa and subjugate myself for others. . I am also aware compassion only goes so far. Self compassion is my main focus. So is indeed workng on ways to make my life better. There are innumerable ways to improve on my self care. Now they seem entirely possible.
This is of course light years away from dealing with a person who made my life extremely difficult. Trying to regulate another person is another matter. Self regulating myself is enough to contend with
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