The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you Debb for your service and this timely reminder. In reviewing the year I had, I was in emotional turbulence from the start of covid, and then things got worse with a huge problem with my appliances under warranty, a water leak in my ceiling, a death in the extended family, a very uncomfortable problem with my son, followed by having to put my beloved dog down. I knew I had lost the serenity I worked so hard for in program, but I also had a gut feeling if some time passed, I would be OK. And for the last week or two, the progress I have made in alanon has returned like it never left. Surely things are not perfect as I live with an untreated alcoholic. But I'm back to feeling some peace and serenity much of the time. I realize that I have payed attention and practiced my tools for these improvements. I will not take them for granted nor can I give up the guidance of program. ODAT I will continue to strive for healing. Grateful member.
Wishing health and peace to my MIP family. And thank you.
I agree this year had been tremendously chalengung
My.ability to.cope was affected by illness, stress, lack of support and logistics. A lot of the time I was simply scrambling to keep up. That took.a big toll on my health which eventually crashed
Nevertheless as someone with complex ptsd I know how rigorous my inner critic is . Talk about a tyrant
I am also aware that other people did not cope too well in this pandemic. They went into real cement thick denial
One of my.friends got a DUI this year. That cost him thousands. Another friend who on many levels I admire has taken off to Las Vegas. While I understand the need to get away going to crowded places is not something that is advised. The denial about covid is tremendous. People going to parties, baby.showers is the norm. I worked for one company.that has more or less shut down. The manager had a birthday party for his baby!! I meab his company had no work for months because of the pandemic!!
We are indeed surrounded by people who are in denial
I think we also have to remember that while we know what issues we have because I have been working on them for decades, most people do not look at their issues at all. They go through their whole lives never addressing them. I find those people really do not have much depth to them
Holding ourselves responsible for our lives is certainly not the norm, knowing limits is certainly not the norm.
We live in a very dysfunctional world that world became even more dusfunctional with covid
I had tremendous shame about my family of origin, shame about my choices in relationship (although choice was hardly a reality when you have no self esteem at all) shame about my current challenges. I cannot imagine why everyone has challenges.
Covid has shown me that indeed many many people do not respond well in a crisis. They do not have any idea of their strengths and weaknesses.
Those of us in al anon and especially those with complex ptsd have literally pulled themselves apart and out ourselves back together again. That is no easy task
Yet at some point we do start taking 100% responsibility.for our lives. I mosr certainly never thought I would get to that point
The fact that you can say that you fell short shows that commitment. That is indeed a huge marker in recovery
You have my admiration and acknowledgement for crossing that line. That is a turning point in your recovery
I.do not know where 2021 will take is in recovery i know that I fel blessed to still be around to meet the challenges of the day. I am particularly blessed to be sharing that challenge with so many people I admire on this board.
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Thursday 31st of December 2020 07:53:27 PM
Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. This truly has been a year like no other. I can readily admit that I too experienced more downs that ups. When you add the pandemic to the mix, let's just say that I am looking forward to 2021 and filled with hope that it will be better and all will be well.
I do know that I would have been a wreck without my recovery program, my recovery support, my sponsor and my higher power. I am still amazed that I (the always cautious, perpetual analyzing soul of the family) got in my car, drove across the country to care for my parents knowing they might die of this virus or pass it to me, and I might die. I did not hesitate, pause, feel fear, dread, other; I just took the action and trusted that being of service to my parents was the next right thing. It felt right - no regrets then or now. I can say that without recovery, it may have happened the same but I have doubts as I was such a selfish, controlling, willful person in a state of perpetual pain and negativity.
I am closing the chapter on this year with the same tools I started the year with - hope and gratitude. My life is far from perfect and this has been a trying year yet each day, I am filled with hope when I practice gratitude. I remain open to growth and change and have faith in the God of my understanding and know that more will be revealed.
Love and light to all - Happy New Year and here's to a better 2021!! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your service Debb and for the wisdom, support and friendship shared by all.
Todays reading is an interesting one to think over...progress. I think back from where I began and see so much progress but think about this year alone and I am not sure. I did have the courage to make a big change increasing a boundary concerning AH, so thats something. I think about all of the ways Ive used my tools to stay healthy and this is good but is it progress? Maybe I can make the case that the longer Ive continued using the tools, the more second nature living healthy and for myself has become and this is progress. I also fear Ive been doing the same things and maybe not progressing but stagnating. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it time to think about the next step to progress...a sponsor...steps? For me living in the moment one day at a time, not lamenting the past and stopping fear of the future in its tracks, focusing on gratitude, and actively repairing my serenity when it feels weakened/threatened has been progress. Maybe now its time for more.
{{Iamhere}}, hope and gratitude is the ultimate in feelings that grounds and centers me! Thank you for your friendship and ESH. Happy New Year!!
{{Sunmustshine}}, good to read your ESH and commend you for the progress you have indeed achieved this year. Sponsorship can be a step for you
and wish you a very happy new year as well!!
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
