The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Gratitude... grateful that we live in an island nation, with no borders. We have the population of South Carolina. We lost 25 people to covid months ago- and are waiting for a vaccine.
I am grateful that I married well. Not an obvious choice- at the time. The middle years were tough and gruelling. I had to work hard for our retirement years- and literally worked until I dropped.
But I had the stamina to do this. The motivation. And I live in a part of the world where such things are possible.
Alanon has given me a breathing space. I call this "putting air between the ears."
I can think- make decisions... I have emotions- can feel. I called this 'from compassion to empathy.'
When i get into a state of pain and confusion I seem to find day way through. it is no shangri la.
I wanted this year to complete Step 12 and move more onto Tradition 5. At one time i thought that, being in ACA too that I might leave Alanon behind. But no- it is working for me side by side. I have two daily readers- on eon each hand.
I have delved and studied into issues of C-PTSD. The base of this is -emotional sobriety- as in the AA BB. Serenity I found in Alanon. Emotional maturity. Emotional intimacy. The ability to get close to others- in any situation...
...in the USA, I find people like to have definitions. I took is may be about the way kids are taught in school. I had to get my head around this. Coming from a distant nation we tend to fall back on our own resources. I think I tend to find certainty in other spaces.
The idea of a new year- huritau hari... mostly belongs to the Northern Hemisphere. it is hot here- and dry. Cherries are being picked- and other fruit. This is a topsy turvey land. Down under.
I would like to see more recovery here. More hope for families. More hope for the world.
I can only do this by takin more care of myself. Demonstrating this to people around me. Being a role model for our kids and grandkids.
A lot of my thinking and hope- is a product of this group.
Sharing as a form of journal is very powerful. I recall my first stumbling attempts.
So apply the principles to group issues here- is empowering.
We cannot predict any day here. I have found ways of being involved- but learning courtesy in matters that don't actually relate to me. And pitching in when they do.
Hoping y'all find the next year less stressful than this one.
Lovely share David. I actually really do take a lot of comfort from your perspective on differences. It makes me feel less alone. I agree with the certainty and share the wish for more recovery down under; and the 'let it begin with me' sentiment alluded to therein. At this time in my life, I'm drawn powerfully to creating new legacies. Improved ones. This is a powerful motivator for recovery also. Happy New Year in advance.
Thank you David, agree with a41, for your lovely share and ESH. I do lots of reflect especially at the end of the year.
I like to read this particular passage from Ralph Waldo Emerson because it puts, for me, what I most reflect on:
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of the
intelligent people and
the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of
honest critics and endure
the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the beauty in others;
to leave the world a bit better
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch, or a redeemed
social condition; to know that
one life has breathed easier
because you lived here.
This is to have succeeded.
by
Ralph Waldo Emerson
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have a year like this year. Thus time last year. I certainly felt a lot of fear. I have had those feelings if impending doom in the past they were accurate.
Thus year has been one lond headache. That is muktiole stressors.
Some of them I knew about beforehand. Other ones were created by being around an alcoholic/addict.
Most of the stressors remain and they are all around the pandemic.
Now I have had to put my olans on hold..
That is bard enough but we are still in lock down.
The bolidays complicate it even more
Then there js the huge to do list I have
Today ny employer added another one.
Everything is always urgent. Always that is the natire of the beast
As someone.with complex ptsd I am triggered by unnecessary hurry up states. However some people just live.on them for adrenaline ourposes.
Accepting life on life's terms is terribly difficult
Indeed we all needed our orograms this year
The newspaper nust reoorted that a number of people were olanning the usual new years eve parties. That is the glitzy couple of hundred dollar models. That is hiw far people go to circumvent the system
Anyaay back to my to do list.
I cannot wait for it to be new years
I am sad that I cannot continue with my plan to move right now but there is too much uo in the air to do that. .
I have to regroup.
I also have a chance to finally ger through the to do list
David that was a nice share. I love how you can just pour your heart out and express your feelings and thoughts in such an open and genuine way. I too am researching complex PTSD as I have it and I know it is the background of my back spasms but I am learning how to slowly get around it, sometimes I have to just deliberately move in slow motion to force me to be connected with myself and be in the moment and not projecting all kinds of gloom and doom. I just wanted to stop in and say hi and I hope you have a great and happy New Years. What I have seen of New Zealand in documentaries etc. it is a lovely country. So are You in the north part or in the south part? And where are the Maori people?? Ever since I saw that movie, once were warriors, I have been fascinated with your country and its people
Yes Rosie- just a little "hi" or 'gidday' helps dissolve our PTSD. We have to do this 100's and 1000's of times, of course- but it all does add up!
I live in the south of NZ. Maori live everywhere. Many of our local tribe are also descended from sealers and whalers who played the southern coast 200 years ago. We connect to several tribes through our wider family. ...
Hope you have a promising New Year Hon. ...
-- Edited by DavidG on Wednesday 30th of December 2020 01:39:13 PM
I.believe that embracing complex ptsd will.do.much for many disorders. Unfortunately complex ptsd is not yet in the DSM 111 so.it not yet recognized as a separate disorder. There is js Deveoplmental Trauma disorder. That is one.part buy complex.ptsd is.very different from ptsd.
In addition the current trend of lierarure dealing with narcissists (who fall into many different types).is indeed really helpful. After all those who can manioulate, always play a.sob srory, and somehow always come out on top.are indeed an enigma. I have had to deal with
Narcissists all my life and always been on overwhelm around them .
The good news is that when they do not get to manioulate they simoly move onto another victim. They crave a constant audience of # poor you# and nothing else.will satisfy them .
Certainly there is much difference between the culture in the United States and everywhere else. There is definitely good and bad in every culture. Whjle the field.of addressing child abuse has revolutionalized in my lifetime the issue of how to recover from it has been complex nuanced and controversial
Therapy is indeed a.very complex.field. The role of a therapist is certainly a pivotal one for some people. I have certainly been in therapy for years but ny life does.not revolve around a therapist anymore. For me self help.grouos has been so pivotal as well as immersing nyself in the literature. We are blessed.to be.at a time where the literature.of recovery is so accessible to everyone. Understanding the principles.of complex.ptsd has been tremdously helpful.to.me. There has never been a time since the advent of ACA that the nuts and bolts of recovery has been clearer.
I am glad to be around in this second wave because I have been waiting for it for so long .
I hope you will benefit from it. I do not know who blocked you from the ACA grouo. I know you are committed to recovery so it is indeed their loss.
...they say that the things you remember and think about a lot- are they things we can work on- when the time is right. i recall mum saying: "get up off your backside. Do something!"
But mum- reading is a verb- and ah is doing something- I am reading. I am learning!
I got called a lazy little B******. And the favourite expression was:- "rattle your dags!"
I was probably a bit lazy sometimes. Bit Not all the Bl**** time!
Us kids had chores which we shared. Chopping kindling, feeding the hens and filling the coal bucket.
On time i put a huge lump of coal in the bucket and covered it with fines.
Mum called me about on that one, Fair cop. After that I posted an old hatchet by the coal bin and broke up the lumps!
These days I spent an inordinate amount of time online. Have done for 15 years since the old 'puter appeared in our world.
I am cutting down now because I am losing my long sight. Getting out on my mountain bike a lot more... ...plan to do more canoeing.
I have an old two person yacht waiting for me to do up. Needs two or three days.
About the learning- I was one of those kids who went though the phase of reading "one a day". I would finish the last chapter on the way back to school on the school bus.
So I have applied learning online a fair bit.
I have covered all the recent trends in C-PTSD. I have some of the key books and manuals. I have always been fairly well informed.
Maybe I need to do more for pleasure?
I do music a fair bit as a therapy. So maybe now I should do more of it now for pleasure?
I had to apply operant conditioning to myself. Pavlovian principal's. Up until 18 months ago I used to wear out my shoe leather heading for the bathroom.
As a kid we had three for this purpose. I suppose the old poplars and willows appreciated that little xtra nitrogen!
But I was in a terrible fix- especially when the weather was damp. As a kid I suffered from gross neglect.If people treated a dog like that today they would be in court!
So i just trained myself to be much more regular. Inner some stuff from the drugstore to help me along. I was dead scared that cancer would set in. I think my fear was well-founded.
But hey- go through that one. Got the tee shirt and the peak cap.
So it is the 31st here now. I trimmed and thinned my grapes. I did one or two other chores.
We have a lot of rain due here over the next four days. No need to water the corn!
time to do some well deserved sharing online.
I do need to walk the dogs in the woods. We have daughter's big golden retriever too. So I can go to the pine woods where there are no burrs or thistles.
I have a week's work lined up on the 11th. By then my two ewes should have given birth too.
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."
that was me as a kid, really. I was the oldest of five.
Apart from our set choses- which were shared, including doing the dishes- a lot of the farm stuff was left for me to do.
It did mean that i was able to drive the tractor- at the age of 12.
And that might have been the main attraction- initially...
Three years ago I studied "narrative therapy" and applied it to myself. The movement originated in Adelaide Australia. It was pretty easy to pick up. Just a reminder here, for me to pick up on some of their videos in the new year.
But sharing/journalling here is a godsend. I see more people doing this- and testing it out for themselves.
I think of all the efforts I made getting to meeting- everywhere- over the years.
There is sharing space here- and time- for the taking. Not even for the asking...
It is just a gift for recovery and healing... for rambling even.
Wow I am impresswd you have a lot of books on complex ptad. I have some lined up piles of them!!
For me complex prsd is very new it is very very helpful to.see how codependence was a aurvival mechanism
It is an entirely different paradigm to ptad. I am so glad to find the origins of boundarlessness . For me it was a defence system a way to survive. Then like every other defence system it becomes the problem. What saved me became a huge problem
I am certainly familiar with nareative therapy. For me it is indeed helpful to have narrative then I can find a way to pinpoint the themes. There are certainly a lot of themes there
I am so grateful to have recovery.. i am glad to have a rpadmap to get to better places. For so many there life is mired in their childhood. I am indeed prviledged to be able to find a way to move forward. We are indeed at a new fromtier thevway ACA was in the beginning
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Wednesday 30th of December 2020 08:32:15 PM
Hey David, thanks for giving me a little info as to where you are and I hope you have a great new year. Youre already on New Years Eve right now LOL New Years Eve Im going to go to the gym and swim with my friend and work out with her I had my physical therapist do an eval on me and she said I am really progressing nicely on the stretching and posturer and and just better alignment in my body so I felt good after that eval. I had to make so many changes lifestyle wise posture wise, cutting back on sugars is horrible hard but I am willing to do anything to cut down on inflammation which is bad for it and sugars cause inflammation and then just stretching and exercising and doing all the therapy stuff to get my body back not only feeling better but more protection against these awful debilitating spasms and she did say that complex PTSD what she knew of it does cause body issues with muscles tightening up and then they get strained if they stay tight and youre doing stuff like yardwork or swimming or whatever and the muscle is already strained from the nerve damage and then I go and aggravate it and it goes into spasm so deep breathing is another thing Im doing and just visualizing myself surrounded by this loving white light and breathing out fear and Resentments helps. Ill tell you its a living hell to have this because its so complex thats why they call it complex PTSD because its just so far reaching and its almost always the common denominator is almost always prolonged and severe trauma. So I dont hold expectations that I will ever 100% recover I dont believe thats possible but I can make a life for myself and I am going to fight for me. You take care
There wil be no.Hogmnie in scotland. No bars are oprn. No.bug celebrations are allowed
Times Square is cut off from the public. The ball will drop bit no.crowds will be allowed
The whole world is on lock.down because of the virus. It s now the third leading cause of death in the United States. All the hospitals are on bypass. All elective surgery has bern canceled
There may be people who have private parties. I live next to.someone who insists that he needs to go to one
No bars, no.clubs no.restaurants are open. No gymns are oorn either. They opened for one week then they had to.shut down again. The hairdressers were open for about a month. Now thry are shut down again
There is no official hogmanie. The big.concerts in Edinburgh were all canceled earlier this year.
Our life is very very different from in the past. There are no. givens any more. The lock.down continues through January. The numbers keep going up.
Gratitude... grateful that we live in an island nation, with no borders. We have the population of South Carolina. We lost 25 people to covid months ago- and are waiting for a vaccine.
