The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AlAnon is a program that encourages a change of our perspective and focus. Today's author speaks to the priceless benefits of keeping these in the present.
These include reduced opportunity to flood our mind with negative thoughts of past/present and increased opportunities to find happy, pleasant, and positive moments are possible, if we look for them.
Reminder: "For every man, the world is as fresh as it was the first day, and as full of untold novelties for him who has the eyes to see them." - Huxley
"God make me receptive and aware; restore to me my capacity for wonder." - Unattributed ----------------------------- When I am filled with dread at the thought of events transpiring in a way other than what I think they 'should', I am leaving the present to imagine fearful outcomes in the future. I am taking over the role of my higher power, assuming that I know what should happen.
This clogs my mind, leaving no room for me to see the wonders of the moment, or the peace that comes from detachment and knowing that my higher power's 'got it'.
AlAnon suggests that no matter how badly I initially think things are going, there is the opportunity for me to see and feel peace and joy...if I am willing to turn things over to my higher power and look for them.
Grateful for the wisdom of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
This reading speaks to me big time. This week I have had hundreds of dollars in additional expenses .
This is after months of additional expenses. That us thousands of dollars of expenses. I paid down so many bills in the past few months that came up unexpectedly.
Yesterday I received bad news on the health front. So I will have additional bills in that regard for a few months.
Therefore I have to put my plans on hold.
Normally I would be absolutely devastated by this news
All I can say is this past year has been non stop hardship
One thing after another
Now I have to work more to deal with this.
The few hundred dollars stimulus check is already.soent for this.
I know some people comfort themselves with the notion other people have it harder
Actually I have had it harder all year
Really incredibly harder.
Harder than I could have imagined.
The idea of comparing my life to others is no longer helpful in any way shape or form
I do not know what other people have going on but I know my.life has been one wave of hardship after another.
Really signifiant hardship, financial hardship, illnes, disruptio, dealing with really toxic people.
Displacement, job loss (repeated).
Major health issues
I am glad thinking it could be worse helps some of you.
For me this is tough going
I will make it through it
Unfortunately it also means for a few months my time will be taken up dealing with some medical issues.
That means travel, expenses, discomfort, uncertainity, delays and relentless focus to get through it.
Hard hard going for at least the next 6 months
Maresie
Thanks Paul for your service and ESH. {{{Maresie}}}. I can only say that I must be diligent in practicing keeping my head over my feet. I can become overwhelmed and upset and worry. I spent much of my life like that. If I can take ODAT, or one hour at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time, I can get through it, just as Maresie says. Its not easy or fun all the time. In fact, many things are downright dreadful. But for me, I practice controlling where my thoughts go, and I try to bring them to a more positive place. And of course, progress not perfection.
Maresie - I am so, so sorry for the many hardships as well as yesterday's news. I'm sending you positive thoughts and prayers and will keep you in my daily prayers.
Staying in the present, for me, is truly the best tool I have most of the time. It seems to be where I find humility and grace in difficult seasons as well as where I find my willingness to accept life on life's terms. This doesn't mean I don't explore the past or wonder or regret or .............. Instead, what it suggests for me is that when I go 'there' looking for answers, it's not a healthy place for me.
Nothing makes me more crazy or anxious than when I leave the present and go to the future. I have absolutely no balance in my projection - it's either Norman Rockwell unrealistic expectations or gloom/doom Armageddon. I'd love to share that I can project calmly and realistically - just not my reality. So, in the spirit of trying to keep things simple for me, and if the past brings sadness and the future brings anxiety, why on Earth would I want to be anywhere but the present?
I can laugh today yet remember countless times where I would call my sponsor spinning out over my people or things. She, reminding me often of Betty, would calmly and lovingly state, "Iam, it's Tuesday morning @ 7:36am, and we are speaking to each other on the phone." That's your present. I spent time in the beginning doing the "Yes, But ............................" It was so not funny then, yet her willingness to be who she is in those moments taught me how to come right back to the present, and how lovely one day or one hour can be if I can make it my goal to stay here!!!
I feel blessed that we've had such mild weather in winter, and am golfing again this afternoon. Based on the weather forecast, this is probably it for this week. We shall see but that's on my plan for today. I made 6 pounds of fudge last night that will be cut/packaged for gifting today. I hope all enjoy this Tuesday as best you can, any way you can. Love and light to all! (((Hugs))) too!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
...It has taken me most of my life to get to this point. It used to anger me that it took so long. Well- anger is not the right word.
Rage is.
Why me? Why so much pain? Agony. Such a toxic family system.
I didn't ask to be born!
One meeting, say about 12 years ago a newcomer turned to me and asked: "If this programme is so bloody marvellous, how come it has taken you so long to get the message? [Something to that effect.]
I see the 12 Step programme as a process, not a product. Like you take the course and you get the certificate.
This may well work for some people.
I had deeply ingrained trauma. I was beyond the recall of counselling. Though some help and some choices were really worthwhile.
I can see myself compared to cousins and siblings. Not too far distant, at this age.
I am keeping it simple- or trying to. I sought oneness and wholeness- and eventually got a taste of it.
I have a belief system to work with.
I am actually much better than what i thought I was. I have coped, I have survived.
Thank you Paul for your service, and to all whom have shared.
I really, really, needed this message today!
Maresie - I am saddened to hear of your additional bad news. I will keep you in my daily prayers.
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
One of the issues I am dealing with is unrealistic expectations
Certainly in the past I would entertain the kind of remark that the newcomer made to you
Now I am increasingly not willing to entertain such intrisuve comments.
Remember your peers did not make it as far as you have
I no longer judge myself by unrealistic standards.
Please note that many survivors of trauma have oerfectionistic traits
Rather thsn think it has taken me so long to get this persoective.
Certainly I once entertained the idea of stages of recovery. However for those of us who have trauma the fact we are breathing at all is the advanced stage.
However long it takes it is a win win for me. I am s champion at surviving
One of my friends put it being a thriver means you get 100% credit all the time
You are most certainly both a champion and thriver.
Thank you Enigmatic and for all others for your shares (and also sending you best wishes for a speedy recovery Maresie).
This day and this moment is all I really have and I am trying hard to stay focused on this and enjoy it as I will never have this moment again. I think I am getting better at giving up feeling sad about the past and if I do I can gently remind myself that feeling sad about what has already happened is me just robbing myself of the opportunity to feel good in the present. When I feel guilty about something from the past, I am also trying to use this moment to be kind to the person who I feel that about. I know I didn't cause it and can't control it, but I do sometimes feel guilty about not recognising how bad things were sooner and therefore the emotional impact on my children. But I am trying hard so rather than feel regret, which does nothing, to instead use that present moment to give them a hug or just tell them I love them or am proud of them.
I still need to work on giving up anxiety about the future and the financial and emotional fallout from the breakdown of my marriage, but just for now I can remind myself to let go of that worry and focus on enjoying today.
Thanks Paul, and y'all...
& 