The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The more correct term for the IBS committee is ANTS. Automatic Negative Thoughts. Or is it another A word? Not sure but recently on my journey, its come up for attention and healing again. I'm really ridiculously hard on myself. Less than I ever was, but as I get triggered into bouts of depression and sometimes this heavy square feeling right accross my chest which says "who you are is wrong". So no matter what is going on or what blessings abound, that heavy square is permanently set there. I sat with it, and realised it stems from some heavy duty self worth beliefs. I started observing my thoughts. I re read " perfect daughters " ( skim read). I'm happy that after all these years of attempting recovery and various therapies and working recovery practically, that I've peeled my onion right down to uncover this part of myself. It must mean I'm ready to work on it. I'm looking at some NLP techniques as complementary healing modalities, with our 12 step programme really forever being my practical blue print for the actual living. I want to evict the IBS committee from my head. OK, sometimes I make mistakes. And often I get things wrong. I can't keep beating myself up over that losing all proportion of perspective. I am OK even if I'm not perfect. I wonder where healing this part of myself will lead to and I am excited to find out.
(((a4l))) - great topic and I can relate! For as long as I can recall, well before this disease came into my life formally, I have been more reactive than responsive. When life happens, for an unknown reason, my mind goes to the Uh-Oh space vs. some serene, positive space. From simple things like a boss wants a word to a call from family, my brain goes to I have done something wrong or somebody's died. It is spontaneous and habit and no matter how well I work this program, it happens - a built-in wiring problem. It took me years in recovery to accept and embrace this instead of thinking I was still broken/unhealthy.
I know now that I am who I am, complete imperfections and quirks. I am designed perfectly imperfect, and am expected to be human, complete with mistakes and missteps. My serenity, joy and definition of success have been transformed and I no longer focus on how many times I fall down, but rather, how many times I get up and how it unfolds. Am I humble and graceful or am I belligerent, combative and throwing blame/shame around? It's truly not whether we win the game, it's all about how we played.
My sponsor suggested early on that when those ANTs enter my brain, I should remind myself that I am loved, I am loving, I am lovable. I and all others are doing the best we can and that we are all perfectly imperfect. Embracing what makes all of us different helps me work on tolerance, patience, unconditional acceptance and love. Positive affirmations and simple prayer can help me send those ANTs back, for a moment, for a day for a while.
Keep doing what you're doing and trust your program/process/HP. I have been pleasantly amazed at how more is revealed when I am ready to embrace it. Light and love to you and yours!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm having something of a break through and I belatedly thank you for all of your shares, it really helps knowing that this isn't limited to my vacumn. This morning I did one lap around the park. Think neighborhood park not like central park hahaha. Then I ate breakfast with my kids. I ate sushi for lunch. I wrote out my intention to smoke just five cigarettes instead of I don't know 15? 20? . I devoted three hours to a family legal matter and reviewed my to do list, simply moving the not done tasks to tomorrow. I organized a zoom conference with the relevant supporting documents. And I have come to sense this inner knowing and acceptance which is still growing. Nobody is perfect this we know, but the eureka realization is that not only is nobody perfect, but also, not everybody cares about not being that way! So. So so so. It is OK to not be perfect, to know that and not even be concerned about it. Wow!
Lovely share A41. Glad to know that you found "perfect daughters topical" and that you could mention it here!