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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> December 17, 2020 - One Day At A Time – Importance of a Fresh Start
Post Info TOPIC: December 17, 2020 - One Day At A Time – Importance of a Fresh Start
Debb


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December 17, 2020 - One Day At A Time – Importance of a Fresh Start
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The author of todays ODAT wanted to relay a story about a young French husband of an alcoholic who wrote to the World Service Office of Al-Anon to convey his experiences as a young child in school. 

He relayed his memory of how difficult it was to read a chalkboard that was cleaned with a dry cloth and not with a wet sponge.  He made the improperly cleaned chalkboard analogy and compared it

to how he viewed the difficulties in reaping the benefits of Al-Anon, if his mind was too clouded with those useless thoughts and anxieties. The other point of this story is that, Al-Anon is a worldwide

organization that provides, from all corners of the world, helpful thoughts and assistance and how that because of it's far reaches we all benefit from each other.

Todays Reminder:

I pray that I may start each new day with a clean blackboard and write upon it only what is good for me.

My experience with wiping that chalkboard clean is that Al-Anon gave me the opportunity to be able to see that the disease of alcoholism created such a clouded

perspective of myself.  The chaos and hurt leveled at me had beaten me down so much that I was unable to see that the alcoholic in my life, my husband, has

redirected his problems onto me.  AHs gaslighting and abuse was a ruse for covering up his problems and by learning to detach and about the three C's was a

game changer for me.  Thank you Al-Anon and MIP!

Wishing you all love and light.



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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
Iamhere


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Thank you Debb for the daily and your service! I'm excited to see it posted early as I have plans tomorrow, which may change but ... just in case, it's always good to be ahead vs. behind in my mind.

I am one that truly starts each day anew. As I age, I find myself grateful to wake up and be alive. No matter what is going on around me or what has happened in the past or what others are/are not doing, I am better served and of service when I focus on this day and this day only. I can not change one stinking thing about the past and fretting about the future does nothing but waste my time and energy. My goal is a clean slate, each day, every day, one day at a time.

Letting go and letting God serves me well when I set aside my will and my ego. It's been my experience that when I am restless, irritable, discontent or bothered by others, I've allowed myself to forget who's really in charge and what's really, really important to me. I am so grateful for the tools of our program and the willingness and humility to pick them up and use them.

Love and light all - hope your Thursday is filled with hope and serenity! (((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Lyne


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Thanks Debb for your service and for both above shares. I must admit I was working my program better prior to covid, and with the loss of my dog it's been a challenge to say the least. But I believe living ODAT is a perfectly good plan for my life, along with Let go and let God, and Live and let live. I know in time I will get back to where I was, as I will not stay in this backslide indefinitely. Today is a new day and even with a Nor' Easter and a foot of snow, I am doing better.

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Lyne
DavidG


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aww Good reading, Debb... 

                                     I sometimes slip back and get brain fog. Also known as dissociation, or numbing.

It is deeply ingrained, but it does not overwhelm my world any more. My f2f meeting had one more person this week, bringing it up to three. Someone fairly new to Alanon. I wasn't sucked back into the old reality. But I could relate. I listened and practised no cross-talk.

I practise the serenity prayer. I Also use the phrase: "Care or cure?" I want to heal. I want a cure. I use the old phrase from AA- "half measures avail us nothing". And also "Progress, not perfection".

Beside going to the meeting- I went to visit a cousin-in that neck of the woods. Refusing to isolate- which is an old habit... ...then around his meal time- I went for a nature walk.

Thanks. 



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DavidG


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aww & ...I have seen the cross-talk guidelines rigidly enforced in some groups.

I think that the guidelines are a great tool... and have seen them used very effectively.

In this MIP group I saw people having greeting time, sharing time and "kick back" coffee time.

The coffee time chat does not suit everyone- and is usually with people who have become established members. And I mean communication we have here- on the message board mostly. aww

In this group i think I established boundaries that helped me avoid conflict. A test for me, but i tend to circulate-

i am learning here- all the time. And once established- mistakes and errors are okay and easily identified. My own mistakes- of course! aww 



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
Overcome


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Thanks Deb for this topic and inspiration for a Fresh Start in the analogy of wiping the blackboard clean and not having the dusty thoughts of yesterday cloud our thinking. When I moved to my new home in Abbeville, SC some 240 miles from Myrtle Beach where I had lived prior, it was to make a Fresh Start. I wanted to leave my old life behind and start fresh somewhere new. Now while I know geographical changes don't work if you don't change the circumstances, 'nothing changes if nothing changes', I had vowed to make a Fresh Start in my new home. Now that I'm here I see myself doing some of the things I did in my old home in Myrtle Beach: isolation (I just shared a new topic on that thread), doing the same job (home care) and being dependent on someone else other than myself financially (prior it was a roommate, now it is my daughter). So again, nothing changes if nothing changes. I'm frustrated that I can't get a job in anything other than home care, because that won't support me. I'm isolating because of covid and I'm second guessing my fresh start. Well shoot, this response has turned into just what i didn't want it to: anxieties that trouble me making my blackboard dusty and clouded.

I just got a call from my old roommate that i didn't answer. I know she is going to want to know how I am doing and I don't want to tell her I'm not doing well. I'm going back into home care, the very thing that I told her I was getting out of and why I was moving away (my old roommate is a 87 year old lady that I took care of). I just feel stuck and unable to move on. Part of why I feel this way is not being trained in something that I can support myself in. I've thought about deleting this thread since it turned out not to be positive, but I decided that I'd post it anyway, maybe someone can give me their experience, strength and hope in this matter. 



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Maresie888


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Overcome 

We are in the middle of a pandemic this is not exactly the time to be brimming with opportunity 

Sometimes we have to take seceral steps back to get to a place of moving forward 

I have been reading a book by Stephen Porges. He states that those of us who have endured trauma have to learn to treat ourselves like we are heros 

I have spent most of my life dealing with issues about how others thought of me 

I talked to one of my neighbors tonight. He said that when he first moved in he did not like me.  Normally that would really upset me. Issues like that no longet upset me 

There are plenty of other issues that upset me.  However I am more willing to say I.am not going to make that important 

I have been my worst critic 

I have encountered many set backs recently 

Now I am trying to get to a place where dealing with those set backs is not such an issue. 

I most certainly have to push myself harder 

However I also have to be nicer to myself

I have also been looking at strategies

In transitions we often have to make compromises

Compromises are not failures.

They are strategies 

The only person who has the right to grade ne is me 

My grades no lomger have to be F. I am not inworthy 

I am a valuable and worthwhile person.   Struggling is not a sign of failure. Struggling is surviving 

Maresie 

 

 

 

 



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Debb


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Overcome, was thinking about pinpointing transferable skills .... check this out ... www.monster.com/career-advice/article/transferable-skills-resume.

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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
Maresie888


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Well there is Covid but there is also the Christmas holidays 

I was planning to.move then i had to put it on hold 

There are many issues in moving 

I would just be moving 50 miles away 

Still bug hurdles to over cime 

Those are wven bigger in a pandemic 

 

Really for some of us we have ti check our exoectations 

I know it would be a ateep hurdle for ne to move 

So I had to break it down 

Some people I know dd not agree.  They are free to do that 

I think sometimes life is really a big challenge 

This is one of them 

 

 

 



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Debb


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Mary, there is not doubt that life is one big challenge!!!

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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
Maresie888


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For me.personally the fresh start has been in many incarnations.  I.spent decades in delving into ny childhood and learning what exactky happened to me.  Then i had to work on what that meant to my adult life.  Then i had to spend a great deal.of time on working on how and why I found myself in very destructive relationships

I had to really come to terms with how I was.manipulated and why I was triggered .

On a similar level I have had to look at what triggered me in emplpyment settings and how I worked with it.  Of coaurse every employment setting has its own unique curcumstances. 

So indeed as someone who grew up looking at chalk boards I have had to assimilate a.new paradigm of recovery.

Certainly all that knowledge has been very useful.  Most of all being willing to make a.fresh start has been very helpful 

I know that I have come a long way. I also know the  route has been a continual circle. That  is revisitong old themes many times on different oevels 

I am blessed to be around at a time where recovery is available 24/7.   Truly blessed 

 

I am also blessed to be surrounded by peoole who are committed to recovery 

Thank you all for.staying the course 

Maresie 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



-- Edited by Maresie888 on Wednesday 30th of December 2020 01:29:39 PM

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> December 17, 2020 - One Day At A Time – Importance of a Fresh Start