The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Being valued is an awesome experience. Coming back with feedback is a form of gratitude- but I sense something deeper there. A lot of my life had no boundaries- or broken and betrayed boundaries. Having this to and fro discussion about what is going down I find healing. Healing those breaches.
I mentioned in another share about getting along to a F2F meeting. A meeting stunned by Covid-19. With a member needed to get away and to have a break with family.
At the meeting tonight there was one other member. We got up to the hour an then went for the 90. The think about smaller meetings- is that there is no egg-timer. We talked about content- and group structure- and also about ESH... essential ingredients.
I think there is a boundary line between what we might share in a group- and what is best to share with a sponsor. I think that there is a lot of tolerance about where this line should be. Depending on the circumstances.
What I have learned here, in MIP Alanon is that there is time for meeting and greeting, no cross-talk, and "coffee time".
Being too rigid and doctrinaire- can be a trap. Being far too lax- a trap also.
It's a balance, another words. And we do have the right to be wrong, sometimes. Trial and error. Learning...
We had a hold phrase round here- "flogging a dead horse". Not a nice image- an old one.
I felt that most of my life I had been doing this sort of thing. Beating my head against a brick wall.
In my sharing recently I have been saying: beating myself over the head with a brick wall.
To add a bit of humour and irony to the situation. ...
David, your opening line is so important: Being valued is an awesome experience. And the importance of the entire thing, which alanon has driven home, is that I have had to learn to value myself. Anyone else who values me is icing on the cake. Since I became an A+ codependent, I only looked to others to value me, and that's a completely dysfunctional way to live. However, I knew no other path for many years. Therapy and groupwork helped, but nothing like this program. I do value myself now, and it's OK to recognize my character defects and work on them. Progress not perfection is one of my favorite slogans. Along with the bad, I have much good. Grateful member everyday.
David, I agree that it's great when meetings have a balance between structure and flexibility. I'm thankful the groups I attend seem to have that balance.
Whenever I hear the phrase about beating one's head against a brick wall, it reminds me of a joke I heard when I was a kid:
A man is walking down the street and comes upon another man who is beating his head against a brick wall.
First man asks, "Why are you beating your head against a brick wall?"
Second man replies, "Because it feels so good when I stop."
DavidG I applaud you for going to and chairing a f2f meeting where few show up, I know how hard that is for sure. I've been going into the MIP chat room for going on a month now in the mornings and again in the evenings. Mornings haven't born any fruit, but I still go there and sit hoping that I will catch a newcomer or an old timer coming in. The evening meetings are just courage and me and we have a meeting (where two or more are gathered together there HP is in the midst of them), but it is discouraging and I too feel like I'm 'flogging a dead horse'. I was hoping that with more people coming here to the message board and reading and sharing that we would get some 'flow over' into the chat room, but so far that hasn't been the case. I guess I'll just keep plugging along until things change or I get a job and have to work during that morning meeting time.
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Overcome... after Covid-19 this local meeting likely to survive. It is worth the effort trying.
I had gone to one two chat matings- but the time zones are out of whack for me. Every time daylight saving changed stateside, or over here I was an hour out. So I just started sharing, here, on the message board. 24/7.
The chat meetings were handy- in that the conversation evaporated after the meeting. Much more anonymous.
We have rain here this morning. Rain at night is good- because during the day the hot sun evaporates the moisture fairly quickly.
Being valued is an awesome experience. Coming back with feedback is a form of gratitude- but I sense something deeper there. A lot of my life had no boundaries- or broken and betrayed boundaries. Having this to and fro discussion about what is going down I find healing. Healing those breaches.
It's a balance, another words. And we do have the right to be wrong, sometimes. Trial and error. Learning...
...