The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about decision making and the difficulties that can be tied to that process. The writer describes trying to look for his/her HPs will when making decisions. Although the writer would love to see an obvious sign, validating a choice or warning against it, what the writer notices instead are inward signs-if there a feeling of calm or unrest? Is there a feeling of relaxation or tension? The writer adds that sometimes it is easy to get hung up on whether decisions are right or wrong. What he/she discovers is that the process of making the decision is the important part and that HPs will comes in at that point. The thought for the day reminds us with this sentence that: Sometimes the choices I make are not as important as the fact that I make them.
I love this topic because I feel that I continually struggle with decisions. There are big parts of my life that I think about and wonder if I made decisions or if I kind of fell into whatever was next. This can happen to me in smaller areas as well. If I go shopping and know what I want, theres a chance I will see it, buy it and be done. Theres also a chance that I will see it, see 16 other similar choices and then stand paralyzed because I cant make up my mind. Like the writer, the decision seems bigger to me than it really is, and because of the weight (that I have given it), I just cant decide. On this smaller scale, I have found that it helps me to make lists for each day- and I think it is also a nod to my controlling nature to be able to cross things off and know that I did X, Y and Z today.
What I am going to try to do with decisions big and small going forward, is acknowledge that I might make a decision that will bring me to an outcome that is different from what I envisioned and that is okay. Like the writer I trust that regardless of the decisions I make, I have the guidance of my HP.
Thanks for this topic yanksfan. Decision making is something that i struggle with too and something that I recently went through with my move to my daughter's. I struggled with whether to stay in Myrtle Beach and my roommate who I was caring for as a caregiver, or move in with my daughter some 240 miles away to the country in South Carolina. I chose the country, but now with having a hard time finding a job I'm wondering if I made the right choice. I think the trick though once the decision is made is not to second guess that decision but to lean on my Higher Power to show me how to navigate the rough waters of the decision. I don't know that this was the wrong decision, staying with the roommate would have further entrenched me in a situation that was only going to get worse as she grew older (she is 87 now) and while she is a healthy 87 this could change at anytime and I was enabling her to stay on her own when she should really be in an assisted living situation or move in with her family. I can not make these decisions for her, but neither did I need to stay in a situation where my own security could be at risk should she at some point have to move to a home and I would immediately be without a home. I had the resources and the ability to move at this time, so I made the decision to do so.
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Thank you for sharing- overcome. I really struggle with staying away from second guessing. as You described, that feeling is compounded for sure when it involves other people!
Good morning MIP - thank you Mary for your service and the daily. I thank you both for your shares and ESH. I can't actually explain where or why, but my brain gets all wrapped up when I have to make decisions. There's something within me that suggests still there is a 'best answer' and a 'perfect choice' and I go sideways. I remember vividly when I was newly sober many years ago that I was offered 2 jobs on the same day! This froze me in place literally as I was so afraid of making the wrong choice.
AA is a bit different in that members are encourage to bring up topics that are affecting their sobriety or serenity. So, I brought up the topic, shared about it, showed how incredibly anxious I was, etc. Others then began to share their ESH and this one older gentleman said, simply and shortly, Do you realize you are not choosing between good/bad? You're choosing between good/good. There's no wrong answer truly - follow your heart and step forward.
Needless to say, in my entire life to that point, I'd never considered that when I am 'living right as best I can', most of my decisions are not good/bad, right/wrong but instead good/good. It is also in recovery that I've learned that if I make a decision that feels right for today, I can adjust if/as needed tomorrow. What a concept - again, not entirely sure why my mind goes so black/white with these things and more.
I am grateful for the many tools we're given to help us - sponsor, steps, literature, others, HP, etc. I have practiced prayer since I first came to recovery and still am far from good at it. Yet, when I do pray, I feel a calm come over me even in the most dire, painful moments of my life. It's easier for me now to trust that there is a higher power and it's not me!
Happy Sunday all - make it a great day. I ended up volunteering all day yesterday at the golf course and am hopeful to just be restful today. Love and light to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you so much for your service Mary! I was "lucky" enough to be able to take away something from everyone who shared their ESH... so thank you to you all as well!
I don't seem to have that much difficulty making decisions... lucky me! Where I go sideways is that I ALWAYS second-guess my decisions. And many times I will suffer from some form of guilt from the decisions I make. It can be very frustrating. Since joining Al-Anon, I have found (through several Step 4's) that my lack of faith in my HP is one large contributing factor to me second-guessing myself. The other is the idea that there is some "perfect" response.
By acknowledging these 2 things, I have been better at trusting my own judgement, and allowing my HP to guide the rest. Reading Iamhere's share about learning that decisions can be adjusted if need be was like a light bulb going off!! Yes, while it is true some decisions are harder to back away from than others, most can be adjusted. Nothing is truly written in stone except your epitaph!
Mary, I also enjoy making lists for my day... not only does it keep me on track, but I get such satisfaction out of seeing all those things checked off!!
I am so grateful for this site, for you people who share in some of my struggles (and don't mind sharing your own), and for the touchstone MIP is to me! Please enjoy your Sunday and I am always asking my HP to help you all manage through this pandemic in health!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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Thanks Mary, Iam, P and Overcome.