The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good Morning ((Everyone)) Today's reading touches on the confusion the author felt concerning their character traits and what they learned about themself after working Al-Anon's Step 4.
The reading states that the traits the Al-Anon member had once championed as virtuous such as taking care of everyone around them, worrying about other people's lives, sacrificing their own happiness and prosperity were the cause of their own misery. Traits such as the author's talent, optimism and self-disipline were not affirmed as positive traits. Through Step 4 work, they were able to recognize that they possessed these positive traits and acknowledge the value of these traits.
Today's C2C tells us with new awareness, the Al-member sees themself more clearly. It results in a greater sense of wholeness, pride and peace when considering who they are. It can be a struggle to not revert back to old behaviors that result in misery. The reading wisely states, "Today let me listen to my words and actions. Only by knowing the person I am can I create the person I want to become."
The quote is - "Each man must look to himself to to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered; it is something molded." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I really enjoyed today's C2C reading. It's a great reminder that Al-Anon is a program of "progress not perfection." I can accept myself and where I am today and understand that no two days in my life will ever be exactly the same. I no longer fear inconsistency because Al-Anon has given me excellent tools for living life on life's terms. The earliest of which I learned from my first Al-Anon sponsor. I cannot offer healthy loving support to another person as someone who is denying it to myself. I believed my alcoholic/addict spouse was the ill one and in need of my help. I believed I would not be a good person if I didn't come to his aid as his wife. I had no time to consider personal "talents." Once someone who possessed "optimism," the effects of alcoholism had almost extinguished the flame that had been so bright within me. I was a caretaker and and wearing it like a badge of honor. It was my identity at the time. I would liken it to a sense of literally being out of my own body from my over involvement in lives of others instead of my own.
I'm so grateful for my loving my higher power, my earliest sponsor and the program. I don't really see character traits as either positive or negative. I can refer to the trait mentioned in the reading because I have all of them. Firstly, I needn't cringe if someone refers to me as a "caretaker" today. Because of Al-Anon, I now have personal boundaries and give only to the extend that feels healthy and reasonable for me. I am a "worrier." This is something I work on. If I care for you, I will worry about you but Al-Anon has led me to a loving hp. My conscious contact with that hp helps me to balance my concern for another with trust that there is a power greater than myself caring for them. This has helped with keeping worry from progressing to obsession.
I've heard it said in Al-Anon that on the flip side of every defect is an asset. That offers hope as I navigate life one day at a time and try to thoughtfully make balanced choices that will honor myself and others who are affected by my choices. This comes much more naturally today thanks to my relationship with my higher power and trying to live the program. I can more easily see my personal gifts - talents, traits that are hp given that I can enjoy and use to be of service and to live a happy, joyous and free life. Today I know that putting myself first is not selfish. It's affirming my life - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm worth it. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you TT for your service and great share, filled with ESH. It also took me working step 4 with my sponsor, to see all traits I had, good and bad, and not just bad. One way I've grown through program is that I no longer despise my negative traits (despise myself). I can look at fear, anger, and resentment, as things to work on. I'm a product of my experiences so I don't blame myself anymore, nor others for that matter. I see all of us (in and out of program), just trying to survive and get through life the best we can. I do however, have much respect for those of us trying to grow, change, and heal. I wish HP would hit my A on the head with a bolt of lightening, but wishful thinking doesn't change a thing. I will continue to strive to improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding, and use all my great tools. Indeed, progress not perfection...
Mahalo Ladies...I love and appreciate waking up to your ESH and Lyne yours got me chuckling which I am still doing...my belly is jumping. That is the kind of wisdom I have grown from and I remember sitting with my elder sponsor discussing the "opposites" of anger, resentment and fear (the most powerful). When I learned of the opposites of course I got the opposite results of what I didn't want to practice. The opposite of anger is (to me now) acceptance which cools my fight and makes balance happen. Life gets quiet and serene and people, places and things become desirable. The opposite of resentment (to me now) is forgiveness and when I do this the weight of blame and judging also disappear...Sweeeeet!! Lastly and best is the opposite of fear which is love..."the complete and total acceptance of every other person for exactly who they are", which was my longest lesson and arrived from the wisdom of another Al-Anon woman one night after a meeting as I chased her out to her car to give me her definition. She told her story in the meeting and I couldn't believe it and needed to know more. She learned to love her alcoholic in such the way that left him with the consequences of his choices and she added a blanket which was her demonstration of love. Thank you God.
Right on! Thanks TT for your service. This is exactly the half a sandwich thing my daughter and I were going over last night. I'd add in my experience, the fourth step is ongoing as my life and my life's challenges change. Some situations call for different traits or different degrees of applying them. What was true last year isn't a fix forever, I must adapt as life demands. I too wish for lightening bolts to rain down, or even just a single well placed one. Have a good weekend all.
Happy Saturday MIP family...Thank you TT for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares & ESH. I am happy to say that we're having a nicer day so I'm headed out to golf shortly. According to the forecast, this may be it for a while, so why not?
I arrived to Al-Anon truly believing I was 'fine' and those I loved were really, really screwed up. If only ....... was such a waste of time and energy simply because all my hopes and dreams were for others, and not for me. It took me a while to really, understand, embrace and accept how utterly powerless I am over others, no matter my intentions, fears, hopes and dreams. As I progressed through the steps, it became more clear to me that most of my talent was formed in goodness, it was my ego and self-will that nudged me towards exploiting much of it. Not necessarily 'bad' but certainly not healthy nor productive.
I have come to truly and deeply believe in a loving God who really wants all of us to be happy, joyous and free. What that looks like can be vastly different for each of us and that's just dandy! It's my job to take action that is healthy for me, one day at a time. Some days, that means tons of self-care and self-love/gentleness and other days that means tons of service to others. My level of self-acceptance and serenity is directly tied to my spiritual fitness, and as a perfectly imperfect human, that can change based on my level of faith vs. my level of fear.
It helps to have this program and many others also seeking a different way to be/live/love. It is a god-send to have the many tools we learn in recovery as well as the support of others in the program who truly do understand whatever I am going through or feeling. It's such a blessing to know that no matter what, I will be OK and I'm truly not alone. I am perpetually encouraged to hear, believe and to share, it works when we work it. I really feel blessed to know and believe that there is always help and hope in recovery - thus I'll keep coming back!
Enjoy your Saturday all....after 2 days of extensive feasting on the awesome foods of the season, I'm 'back' to my typical cleaner diet. I encourage all to find and keep your joy! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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