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Was just sitting here thinking about life and how crazy it can be. Always tought life would be a struggle here and there, but wow everywhere I turn lately it's difficult.
Hub is finally out of the house, I know it is the best thing, just wish the love would go away. The pain and frustration is here, my heart is broken My kids are depressed, hurt and just pissed off.
This life we have been living is not a life anyone deserves. To live in a house when you just wait for the other shoe to drop constantly is too much mental anguish.
I know I should not worry about him, but how can I not. I must detach emotionally, how do I do that after loving someone for 30 yrs.
I know for the first time in that many years I can not worry about him. He will have to recover from surgery all by himself. He will have to pick up the peices of his broken life and one way or another live with the consequences of his actions.
I also must do the same, I must go forward, I must find the strength to live. I must...I also have to get it together for my kids, as they are hurting. They need there mom strong.....I am trying but I am struggleing.
Hub and son got in a big fight last night son broke hubs leg, hub was in surgery last night.......what hell.........
Son just had all he could take, now he is feeling guilty and depressed. He is only 14 yrs old and did not mean to hurt his dad like that. Zach went from a kid who idolized his father to a young man who hates his dad. This is alot for a kid to handle.
Daughter is almost 16 she is sad., doesn't want to be home much right now and who could blame her I would run away if I could.
Well any advice, Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So sorry things are so hard for you right now. Hug your kids. Keep putting one foot in front of the other as best you can. Take care of yourself. Hug your kids. Get to meetings. Continue to come here. We love you and care about you. Did I forget to say Hug your kids?
(((Andrea)))...so sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad and such loss over the stuff you have been through. I have been there myself so I can identify with you and the feelings that go along with it...fear, loss, sadness, depression, frustration and anger. It takes some time for these feelings to be resolved, however you are in the right place and God will help you too. I am happy that you are here with us and there are some wonderful people here who will listen and love you through this. I found out that the only way out was through. God Bless. xoxo Scamper
Andrea - my boys were strarting to hate the things my AH did. I am so glad I got them out before one of them blew! I could see it happening, they are pretty protective of their Mom. So sorry ZAch had to go through that last night. Get him into talk to someone about his feelings as soon as you can and try to limit the damage done by this night of horror. 16 year olds r 16 year olds, run away and create drama. She is probably best off talking it out with girl friends for now and then you can all go to counseling together, to figure out your roles as a new family.
Good Luck, Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot speak from any experience in this area. I can say this. One day at a time to one moment at a time. We cannot fix it all in this moment. We can certainly take the next right action though.
When I first came to the program, I was nuts with fear, anger, discouragement, and disbelief. My eight year old had an eating disorder and was severly depressed. My AH was crashing in the house at all house picking fights, and peeing in the bed. My stepson was deeply disturbed. The other two kids were getting lost in the shuffle and no doubt in a lot of fear.
With everything that was going on at that moment. I had to realize just how powerless I really was. It was all so overwheming. I started with my sponsor on my steps. Things were becoming much easier to cope with, but still....I was out of control. I couldn't see just where I would have time to fit this program in.
My sponsor tells me, "When all the dust settles, I want to be the one left standing to help pick up the pieces." That told me in that moment I had to get in this program with everything in me, to be any good to help the others. So, I did. I worked my steps. I turned to my HP and I prayed that it would all be okay.
My eight year old is nearly 10. She is happy in her own skin now. We still have rough moments at times, but they are few and far between. My other two children are so much more comfortable and happier. All three are able to be children now. My AH. I sent him packing after careful thought of how much I was willing to take. How much was I willing to put these kids through. My stepson, got the help he needed. He knows I am just a phone call away and stays 90% of the time at my AH's parents house.
Things are not perfect. Certainly never will be. Everything is managable now.
I wish you and your family the best. I hope that your children may find their way to this program. They teach us how to forgive here and that there is no room in our hearts for hate. I wish you guys safety as well and hope that your husband heals very soon.
Andrea, in my experience I too wanted to stop loving him. In time, I believe my heart just had enough and stopped loving him. Maybe we can be hurt only so much.
For me it was a biggy that he hurt my son. All I know is I stayed away from him and every time I saw him something bad happened. Time went on and I started realizing I did not feel the same. The disease had just hurt me too much.
Are your kids in alanon? If I were you, I would go get them books made for kids on alcoholism. There are a lot of good ones.
Also, teens are so hard anyhow. This will make it harder. If you can, take them places. Anti stressors are so important. Even if you just go get ice cream, or go see something together. We have fish hatcheries here. What do you have there that is inexpensive but fun?
Things get so darn serious so fast. Lightening things up really helps. If you can, take them camping or hiking. Get you all away.
I would get my boy into something physical to work out the anger, karate is great.or can't spell it tyke wan doe? It teaches them their power and how to control their feelings. Both are great. My son rode motorcycles about since he could walk. thanks do that show,"Chips."
What ever your kids are into, encourage it. You do that for you too. Focus away from the bs. This is just my thoughts.
Your feelings will do what they do. If you can, when ya think about him, say stop and have something ready to think of something else. I thought about wild purple irises. (c:
Now I don't cry when I hear romantic songs or see romantic movies. I don't go all weak when i think of him. I have NO desire for him anymore. I loved mine 35 years, so I relate.
Now I am working on my house and property. I don't think about him. He is in jail and I am NOT going to see him. I was, but to heck with it. Let him be miserable and grow up.
I hear the investment you've made into what was supposed to be and the heartacke and loss you are feeling now. For me it was a matter of trying to regain focus on what I could reasonably piece together to steer life on a better feeling course. I tried to feel out where the quality time i could spend with mine might be. Kinda let the heart guide in the direction. Sometimes changing direction often til it felt like things started to smooth out. Beings each of us have our own meaning on what our life is about, looking in to see where the adustments can be shifted to fit the needs. I went back to school to see if I could find what felt good to me. At least my daughter could see that life goes on. And hoped a path would show itself. And doing things together the best we could. I made sure that that was done so much time out of the week. Beings there was only my daughter and I when she was young, I always tried to include my nephew and whoever to have a good time together the best it could be with what was there to work with. Sounds like you might want to give the boy as much of your reassurance as you can while this is so fresh to sooth his heart, if he likes hugs , give him plenty as sometimes its not the words that matter as much.
I hope you find some options soon to start on the new path to strengthen you and your children in the different path you are taking now. Find anything to start with and fine tune as you go.
I wanted to share something with you and hope something in here helps some.
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
well same old same old andrea , please find meetings for yourself , you need to heal so u can lead your children into recovery . You need support from people with skin on em. f2f
You can do this Andrea and al-anon will get u there One day at a time. Louise
You know I'm praying for you and your kids! May God Bless you all in a special way. I do understand some of what you are going through, but not all. I do understand what this disease does, and I'm not about to let it win......and I know you won't either. You're a competitor just like me! My faith is what has gotten me through a very tough time as a parent, and I know your faith will get you through this too. Hang in there and keep your focus on God. I care and will keep praying......
Healing takes time my friend. Give yourself and your children that. Learning to detach is so hard. It doesn't mean that you don't love your hubby. It mean, at least to me, that it's part of letting go and letting God. It enables you to survive. 30 years is a long time to live with someone, especially if they have been active most of the time. I'm not sure I could do that. It's okay to still feel love for your husband. How could you not? But it's up to him now. You have other priorities.
It took a great deal of courage for you to tell hubby to leave. It was a very brave decisions. Now you have to refocus all that energy it took dealing with hubby, and focus it back on yourself so that you can help your children. We're right here with you. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. You are an amazing, loving, kind woman who deserves every happiness in the world, and so do your children. You'll find your footing again. Just be gentle with yourself.
Love and blessings to you and your children.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Keep coming back to MIP and find those f2f meetings for you and your children. My A (dry drunk) moved out after 31 years of marriage. It hurts and it is a big investment. And withdrawal from that life won't happen overnight. I love my husband as much as ever but not the disease and sometimes it is hard to separate. But we need emotional muscle because their behavior is unacceptable. Use the slogans of Alanon, try to detach and so forth. Protect yourself and your kids. I am finding help in alot of different places - strangers & friends. Take care of yourself and work your program.
Well you've gotten some great responses. I hope you have been able to find the answers or at least the support you need in those posts. I can not add anything that hasn't already been said. Just thought I'd give you a great big ol' ((((((ANDREA))))))
andria 
(((((ANDREA)))))) 
WORK IT 
WORK IT 
' work themmm STEPS gu'rl