The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want out of it right now because I am scared. My boyfriend went to work (he is not an A, but my ex was and I am trying to move past him) and he SHOULD be home by now and he is not. I usually hear from him by now and I havent. I am freaked out beyond belief and I want out of this because I fear the worst - that he is just going to hurt me and there is something else going on.
I am trying to let go and let my HP handle it but I am having a hard time. I just want to go to sleep and be at peace tonight and I am a nervous wreck....
for me.. i automatically suspect the worst where men are concerned,... i went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice.. then met him again which was good.. then he didnt call for 3 days and i sent him a few texts asing how he was..when he didnt reply i inda freaed at him..thus he NEVER answered ba.. it seems he was out of the country. OPPS.
thats the way i function...i know that my relationship with my "A"..even tho he is my "EX" is still affecting my new relationships..and why is that??? Because i dont TRUST MEN.... thats the fact.. i think they are all the same anyway... and its only a matter of time before i get hurt again...
im not seeing anyone at the moment... its too hard...worrying about my "A"..worrying what the "NEW GUY" would be up to when im not with him etc... is all too much for me.
i really think i do need counselling for that sooner rather than later...but its the getting off my butt and do it is the problem... im afraid....afraid of what will come out of that "can of worms" senerio.
i hope i will get past this one day...but im afraid my mind has been conditioned to thi s"one way of thinking" for too long.
the lies, deceit, cheating etc that an alcoholic does affects us even after they have gone from our lives...you are not alone cyn.....
We all have our triggers. I have followed your posts for a long time. I remember the break up, when you met this new guy, the weekends away and your exicitement over the possibility of a healthy relationship. Go back and check out some of your old posts, you were thrilled. This disease, OURS, is as cunning, baffling and insidious as the one which the A battles. Do not let it ruin your chance at happiness. Put your program into place, reach out, read the literature. The absence of the A does not make us better and you could keep running or you could stick it out with the help of your program and have exactly what you were so excited about when you first met this guy...
It will pass in time. We cannot hold the defects one person against another person. It's not fair, they probably already have enough of their own anyway. If you don' think you are ready for a relatioinship, honesty is the best policy. Time does heal all wounds and they heal much faster with Al-Anon. Take care of yourself first before you wonder where someone else is and what they are doing.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Wow and I read something in C2C today that seemed to fit this. I'm not in a position to run and get it but it was basically that to truly feel life we need to feel. We need tears and laughter, both.
I know it's hard put yourself out there like that. If your not ready, then your not ready. Hopefully you can find what is the right answer for yourself.
Glad to see you on the boards ! {{{Cyn}}}
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Some of us learn to live in a Black/White thinking mode. It is either or. What about a balance here? Wouldn't it be nice if you ended up with a good friend out of this? Why should one incident decide to stay together or break up? There are other choices and ways of thinking. I use to be and sometimes am still a Black/White thinker. And why do decisions need to be made so quickly? Just my thoughts written down is all. Keep us posted. cdb xoxoxoxo
I am definitely not ready. My AH and I have just seperated, so I am not stressed about it yet. My mind set though is that there is no one who is honest and safe and who will treat me good. I'm afraid I will never trust anyone again, because this is just too hard to risk going through it with someone else. I'm a freak, and I know it. Damaged goods. I have a long way to go, and I hope there is happiness on the other end. I really don't have any advice or help for you, but I do know what you are feeling and I hope you find whatever is meant for you and that it is good. Best wishes for peace.
