The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So many of you have mentioned online dating, I can see using it as a screening tool like at Match.com, but this just dating someone you met in chat has me baffled. I don't get how you can fall in love with a computer generated person. It could b anyone's picture. We have enough issues in our life being attracted to the wrong type of person, why would any of us even consider it? And if our spouse was doing it, is that not cheating, a drop dead deal breaker to a marriage. Why allow ourselves to pushed that low, that we will be second to an unknown person? If they are meeting in person, what about disease transmission? Are you willing to put yourself and chldren at risk?
Is it just me? What happened to traditional dating? Coffee, movies, dinner?
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I have done the online dating thing. That got me a new A and a baby. Love the baby...kicked the A to the curb. I noticed in the past the online dating thing was more of a game than anything.....wasn't even like competetion.....it was like an obsession for some. Here I thought I was just able to do a better "screening".
It did teach me to run screaming when anyone would start talking about marriage on the first face to face meeting. It also taught me to run screaming when one would talk about marriage before we meet face to face and they are giving me their social security numbers, bank acount numbers...you name it.
Needless to say. That is not a road I would enjoy to go down again. Ever. Did I neglect to say EVER? It may work for some. It is a good way just to get a date......to have something to do. Again, the safety of it all comes to mind.
Right now, I am dating someone in the program. Just what I need. Replace practing A with sober A. Super Ziggy! I have never felt better though. I don't need him or anyone for the first time in my life. I don't know where our relationship is headed. I do enjoy the time I am able to spend with him though. I am never lonely whether he was around or not. I have no regrets. For the first time ever, I don't "need" anybody. He gives me all the spce I need and is very respectful to me. That is all I want for now.
I am so glad you shared . No offense but I got the giggles I needed for today as its a tough day. You are COURAGEOUS to lay it out there. I commend you for for your share of ESH.
As I read your post, I thought, "And so it goes, thru the decades of growth and change, does our uderstanding of each other grow further and further apart !"
Blessings in Rcovery To Ya and ALL that goes with it.
How I miss tradition !!!!!!!!!!
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
I went through this with my husband two years ago while we were separated. He did EVERYTHING under the sun when it comes to online porn, online dating, etc. but he claims that it was all "fantasy" and therefore not cheating. SIGH!
Needless to say I felt differently. He stopped it since I took such a firm stance, but still claims it was all "innocent" as it was all "fantasy" since he never intended to meet the women in real life.
I tried to point out to him that these were REAL women, not robots, so it WAS cheating. We went back and forth...he would not change his view, but stopped due to my ultimatum "not because it was wrong"...keep in mind that this IS an active alcoholic talking...they are very skilled at rationalizing things.
I think people look to online dating just like they look to online alanon. It is easy, convenient, and just plain more comfortable. People can more easily let their guard down on the internet with fake names and faceless people. They can be more open they feel.
Of course the downside is that people can pretend to be something they are not. Like my husband did. He was living with me and told his internet women that he was divorced or "legally" separated. I once read that 50% - 75% of men who pursue online dating are either married, separated, or in a live in relationship. They can look for a better deal discreetly without their mates finding out.
Would I do it? No way! Especially after finding out what my husband was doing. He is normally a very honest and moral person and was a lying cheating creep on online dating sites. The internet is too tempting, makes being dishonest all too easy, it seems to bring out the worse in people. How many seemingly decent people are really internet creeps? Probably lots.
I have heard of people meeting others online and it working out, but I hear many more horror stories.
I hear you my friend. But I can tell you my friend met his wife online and they have been married 6 years. So who knows? Anything is possible. But I like the way my hubby and I did it best.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I can't even begin to imagine cyber dating. I agree I kind of like the idea of dinner and a movie better.
I come on here and I communicate with some old friends from college (male and female)using the internet, but I know them, we use the internet instead of the phone or letters. It is a nice way to keep up with each other, and share pictures of each others families. A bunch of us are just starting to use the video chat, that is really nice.
I guess the cyber dating is kind of a take off of the old classified ads. One of my friends, years ago used to search the singles sectionin the local paper, then they would correspond by phone for a while. I have to admitt she did meet a few nice guys, but we alwasy teased her that she was going to meet an ax murderer.
With my luck I would meet a cyber drunk, or someone who was addicted the internet. I have enough trouble with hubby in this state without importing someone from somewhere else in the country.
No matter what I think of it, online dating, is still called "dating" and in my opinion is cheating. Plus you still have to worry about ax murderers.
Josey, I've been out of the dating game for (wow, hadnt thought about this untill NOW...LOL ) way too many years. Just wanted to say I agree that there will never be anything any better than the ol' fashioned way of getting to know someone in Person. Thanks for the post, very interesting. (((BiGHUG)))
that there will never be anything any better than the ol' fashioned way of getting to know someone 
in Person. Thanks for the post, very interesting. (((BiG
HUG)))