Today started out like so many do - me walking around the house - my husband not taking 2 seconds to look me in the face. I walk over to him to say good morning and give him a hug and he barely acknowledges me, half-heartedly hugs me back. He only chooses to engage in conversation with me lately it seems when there is some problem to discuss. I get so little time with him as it is because of our schedules that I just feel so overwhelmed when he is around. I don't even feel comfortable in his presence right now because he is just so tense. Here I am growing in the program - so in love with finding out who I am and trying to live that honestly. I am becoming bitter and overcautious in his presence. I reach out and attempt to show genuine love and affection and it is just tossed aside so often. Like it isn't important. Like I am unimportant. My program shows me the way to find myself again and again. The stronger I become the more distance I feel between myself and my husband. I am those blooming flowers we all see this time of year. Those beautiful buds opening up in the warm sun. I feel the changes in myself and I am so proud of them. I feel at the same time like I have to fight now to be true to me. You all give me strength to stand up for myself to accept no less than I truly deserve. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or even 2 hours from now - except that I will do everything I can to be who I am. Heart wide open come hell or high water.