Im in the habit of negative projection - Al-Anon Family Group

Barbara · ~*Service Worker*~

Im in the habit of negative projection

Jeannie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((barbara)))

Let it start with you. Paste a smile on your face, (even if it is a fake one) and keep doing it until you really feel it.

Look for positives, no matter how small they are. Go outside, look at the prettiness of spring. Go to a farm and see the baby animals. Give yourself reasons to feel good. Treat yourself well anad learn to love yourself and eventually that is the image you will project.

My Dad and I used to play a game when I was little adn he would take me to work with him in NY. In the city everyone is in a hurry and walks around with their head down not smiling. He told me that if you smiled anad said hello to everyone, they would be in shock and most of the time they smile back. We would walk with big smiles on our faces, saying Hi, Goodmorning or wishing people a nice day. Most looked at us like we where nuts, but they usually laughed or smiled back. It was fun!

They say "Smile and the whole world smiles with you." It is true.

It takes time, but as you do it, it becomes easier.

Take care.

Love Jeannie

just me · ~*Service Worker*~

Barbara,

I have always been told that I am negative. I read a book called Change your luck by Dr Richard Wiseman. He says you can change your luck by focusing on the positives. Finding the good even in the bad things. I tried this and it worked. I found 4 good things about a flat tire! Never in my life have I had such a change in me. Write down the good things that happen to you everyday. No matter how small they are. We are drawn closer to what we focus on.

Yours in recovery...

Julia

Ria · Senior Member

Hi hun, I'll try to keep this one short!

"Change your thinking and change your world" I saw this in Al-Anon and it blew me away. I know that every action originates in a single thought. I also know that I am responsible for my thinking and that it is one thing over which I can have control. It takes awareness, practice, discipline and patience. I found Louisa Haye's books quite insightful but can't remember the titles now though, dang. I bought a set of three books. There is one book specifically about positive affirmations. To begin with, try to become aware of your negative thoughts and what may trigger them. Practice looking for the good in any given situation even when the negatives are more obvious. Try to replace those negatives with positives. Practice gratitude. I made a list of things to be grateful for from running water to the rising and setting of the sun. Keep it with you, when negatives take hold get out this list and remind yourself of all the great things. When your mind wanders, accept that it is just doing it's job and then gently bring yourself back to thinking on the positive. You may need to do this repeatedly. Be patient with yourself, you're only human. What you focus on will become your reality. Rene Descartes said "I think therefore I am".

They say 'practice makes perfect' but in our case it makes progress.

P.S edited for typo's because I'm not perfect! lol

-- Edited by Ria at 03:14, 2006-04-23

d53sjurne · Senior Member

Hiya Barbara,

I guess i'll be brave enough to share some ESH (as I learned this term here online). And what I did to help with the changes. Beings I had childhood sexual abuse too, I had a book entitled- The Courage To Heal: A Women's Survival Guide To Childhood Abuse (and later included men as research went on). I had this in my toolbelt along with 12 step stuff and "shoeboxes". I hope you don't make tooo much fun out of this. And a phrase another SW gave me, " If you can believe it, and concieve it, you can achieve it ! "

Being creative and having many logs in the road, I finally came up with an experiment I created, using a combination of tools I had in my belt.

1st I took a look at what I thought was the negative from the positive. There wasn't alot in the positive arsenal, so I started designing what I thought I'd like to use to better myself with. Some that I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would be able to do/use/believe/practice/project ! Then I got out a notepad and a shoebox ! Are you ROFLYAO !!! Its true !!! It may sound silly but , hey , whatever works , right. No one has to know about it.

So I made a line down the center of the paper and labelled one side positive and one negative. I filled up the negative and was in short supply of the positives in my belt. I had to search around for ones I liked that I wanted on the list that would replace the negatives and put opposite of each one.

When I was finished putting this together, and really did some as I went along, cause it too hard for me to do ALL at once. Takes time , opportunity , and practice. And I had a big problem projecting onto people that was hard to stop. Bingo I found me a private place when I had some time in my 80 hr work week (not disabled back when) in the family busness back then and brought all my tools I had worked on and gathered. Hard to find too, as we lived above busness and I had to work over all what the employees didn't finish in the day to start out the next on schedule.So usually it was late at night after that and home stuff finished.

I put my shoebox in place not too far in front of me, and my pad in visual site within writing reach, and sometimes candles and nice music to help with the clutter in the brain to calm it down a bit so I could get a GOOD FOCUS on what I was about to do !! Ready..............!!!!! All the , or some , or really one at a time, I took each projection I knew of and PROJECTED IT INTO THE SHOEBOX AND SLAMMED THE LID ON IT !!!!!!!!!!!! Well , I can't see you but I think I can imagine what you might be thinking, but wait.....???? Then after each one I closed in the box, I would imagine the one to replace it with and did my practice homework to become familiar with having it in my mind and said it outloud until I felt it some. Practice makes ..............oops ! I won't say that word here. Progress , you know the slogan. And slowly I felt the changes take place.

Well , I hope this helps if you want to try it !!! And its free for the taking.

Take what you like and leave the rest

Blessings and ALL the rest.................................................

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.