Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> UPDATE - but I'm still cool ...
Post Info TOPIC: UPDATE - but I'm still cool ...
HadEnuff


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 45
Date:
UPDATE - but I'm still cool ...
Permalink  

He removed the battery from my car this morning, so I had to find another way to work.  He's a mechanic and it's kinda scary what he could do.  In a fit of anger during a drunken episode once, long ago, he threatened to 'fix my breaks'.  Funny - I just remembered that now.  How easily we can shove things under the carpet when we are under the control of addictions.


Anyway - I'm cool about this.  I realize that he is afraid of my cutting off communication from him, and since I'm not angry, I believe I can deal with this, without having the 'no contact' rule.  I see now that I've been some sort of lifeline to him, in a twisted way, and somehow he feels that if I really cut it off, he won't be able to function.  As long as I can be civil to him, I don't think he'll feel the need to be vindictive any longer.


I've known all along that he wants my stamp of approval for who he is, and while that's been difficult, I truly don't believe it will be anymore.  I'm in control of my life now, and he's responsible for gaining control of his own.  I will not enable the alcoholism any longer in the format that I've been doing, but there is no reason that I can't have enough compassion to understand that unless he has an epiphany, his life will continue to be miserable ...


Thanks again to all of you for being here and being who you are



__________________
jrtjosey


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 818
Date:
Permalink  

Oh please be careful. I'd be doing safety checks before every drive.


Josey



__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
tootired


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 11
Date:
Permalink  

Be careful

__________________
Betty D. Robertson
megan


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1161
Date:
Permalink  

Hi hadenuff


BE SAFE


My husband used to disable my car too.


I had to call AAA to get the car going again many times.


I started to park the car a few miles away and walk home when he got really crazy.


BE SAFE


 



__________________
Megan If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
d53sjurne


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 171
Date:
Permalink  

              


                  


               HadEnuff   


                          



__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3854
Date:
Permalink  

Hi , I am with Josey be careful.  Alcoholics don't like to loose control of anyone and he has been controlling u for along time.  If it continues don't hesitate to call the police.  You do not have to live in fear jsut because u decided to live your life for you .  good luck stay focused  and i hope u are going to find an al anon  meeting. You too need to recover and u don't have to do it alone anymore. Louise

__________________

I came- I came to-I came to be
Jeannie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1130
Date:
Permalink  

(((Hadenough)))


I'm with the others, be careful. Check out your car carefully before you drive, and if it continues to happen, call the police.


He is not happy that you are taking control of your life back from him. Abusers do not stop just becasue the person will not subject themselves to it anymore. You might have to make it much clearer to him that you will no longer play his game, and that may involve the police.


Be safe!


                                                 Love Jeannie



__________________
Dolphin123


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1328
Date:
Permalink  

(((Hadenufff))),


Yes, please be careful, be safe.


But good for you for not falling for his manipulations. Maybe he will stop once he sees that it isn't working.


Take care of you,


Much Love,



__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
aunitedway


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 580
Date:
Permalink  

Please think about to have a plan B should you need it.Please to take awareness precautions. We all Love You! Prayers are with you 


**HP to Protect ((hadenough))**    Keep Looking uP        ((BigHug))    


 



__________________
twinmom2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 853
Date:
Permalink  

(((HadEnuff))))


Be very careful...  Disabling your car is pure manipulation and him working power and control over you.  Essentially it worked if you are taking the no contact out of the situation.  He knows how to push your buttons, and probably has figured out over the years how to get you to cave and bust your own boundaries.  Stay close to your support system and the program.  Its his fear and you have no clue how far that manipulation and control will go for him, especially when he's drunk.  Detach with love and stay safe.


Hugs,


Twinmom~



__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> UPDATE - but I'm still cool ...