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I'm an ACOA with a dad who has been sober, as far as I know, for 2+ years. It's looking like tomorrow his dog, who he loves more than anything, is going to have to be put to sleep. I'm afraid this will affect his sobriety and mental health. I know I can't control it and worrying doesn't help, but I'm worried just the same. I would greatly appreciate any prayers and ESH anyone can offer. Thanks.
With two years sobriety and some warning about the dog's impending death, I would think he is preparing himself. Try to give it over to your HP and let go of the worry.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I know your dad will miss his dear canine friend, but I agree with the others. Try to think positive, and trust in his HP to see him (and you) through this sad time. This is always a hard, hard situation to face, but those of us who so love animals understand that letting them go with dignity is a gift we can give them when the time comes. I am sure your dad knows that too. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
My pets mean the world to me. I have a litter of 5 kittens I've had since they were six wks old that survived both Hurricane Katrina and Rita with me. Yesterday I placed one with a caring neighbor that has two others and willing to work with her skiddishness. They all think I'm their mom. Its rough sometimes to separate from the bond that involved putting our affections outside of self. It seems to me each individual has their own personal relationship with their pet. For some, they become part of the family or even a soul mate. Some can share with their pet what they aren't able to share with other humans (sad as this is, but a survival and healing reality for many). In my dysfunctional family pets always were treated better than the children. And were like a bridge(glue) that helped to bond us together with the returned love from the pet to share. My parents were not affectionate so the pets took the place for hugs etc. In my family lots of projections of all sorts were put on them. Humanized !!! Its amazing what you can learn and express and feel from a pets love and attention. There was a many that lived out their lives with us. To me its like loss of a loved one, like a child that never became a responsible adult and left the nest. Always needing us and vice versa.
I'm not sure of your fathers relationship and his inner attachments. I have not had an A problem myself, but a many in my family did. Depending on whether they were dry,wet,whatever would make a difference in their expression of their feelings that were involved. An A-bro(3rd in line) of mine reacted as pained as the loss of the (2nd in line) male sibling that passed at 13. On the other hand my A-mom was different depending on which pet it was. She doesn't handle death at all. Her medicine(alcohol)keeps her numb to it all. To this day.
I had to be careful in the different ways of having to console them as they were different in their reactions. I always worried as a natural reaction to caring about the loved ones. Sometimes it was overwhelming as I wanted to protect them from the pain of their loss and fix it for them. For yrs I thought this was possible. I came to find it could make more problems and prolong their grief. I found if I could just be there for them and let them lead the way and listen to what they needed and if I could, I did. I couldn't provide it all. Some is theirs and theirs alone to deal with as with ourselves.Learning to find that boundry line was a difficult and different way with each of my family members. For most of it they had to find their own way out and I felt helpless and powerless to do anything for their suffering other than offer the ear, shoulder, time, whatever I had to give and leave them to the rest. Not an easy thing to do as at some point you have to stay separate and let them go their road. Some of it is their way to deal , and they choose the way. There is noone else that can change/control that part, even so if I may want to, so they won't hurt(and some so I won't hurt).
Their is no way to know where and how he will handle it as its an individual thing, this grief we all have at some point and have to learn to get thru. Parts we share , and parts we don't.
I learned to try to take care of myself the best I could and share what I could and turn the rest over. Take care and I hope it it won't be to difficult a time for you or him. I hope this helps in some way. Its a process and no way to predict or rush or control. Be gentle.
BLESSINGS IN RECOVERY...............................................
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 23:15, 2006-04-19
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 00:34, 2006-04-20
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 13:43, 2006-04-20
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
(((Nal and her dad)))) My prayers go out to you both...
I agree with the others, that you cannot project what may or may not trigger and alcoholic to pick up. Hopefully your father will reach out if he needs to and turn to his own program and Higher Power, just as you are doing. By posting, you're admitting that an old behavior, worrying about his sobriety, is creeping up. So glad you reached out.
You know what else, I think that we can never really figure out what makes and alcholic tick. My A husband went through the loss of his own mother, my father and a very vicious custody battle for his daughter without picking up, then "out of the blue" when life was looking "picket-fenceish" he picked up and the downward spiral had begun. Three long years later and he has a short amount of sobriety. This disease in cunning and baffling and the best we can hope for is that our Higher Power will see us through and that our A's Higher Power will see them through.
Perhaps some pages on "Let go, Let God" may give you back some of your own serenity.
Prayers for you and your Dad and his dog. I keep awaiting each day for me to have to make that decision as my dog is 14 years old, but I remember I have but this one day to enjoy and make the best of it.
keep coming and keep posting,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Maybe you could go with your Dad just to support him when he has to put the dog to sleep. You can tell him how loved the dog was having your Dad to look after him. It won't stop him drinking but it may ease his sadness a little. Luv Leo xx
All the loving animals here on earth are remembered with love and laughter they brought to our lives. I had a big black Sheep dog,he was a real perty big ol' bear lookin dog, that went to heaven not too long ago. I have sweet memories of him. his character and the love he devoted to our familly. I remember him and it makes me smile. every time now.
'(((nal)))) Try not to project into tomorrow and remember , it is going to be allright. just to spend a bit of time remembering the good things the good times and love of the dog being in the family....that can help your dad to not feel so sad too.
Not to project. Keep Looking uP! Take it One Day at a Time. (((BIGHUG))))
Hello, Keep coming back! I'm an aca, and I worry about everything! So of course we will worry about the alcoholics drinking. We are glad you are here, and if you keep coming back, go to meetings, work the steps with a good sponsor, your whole life will get better. Growing up with an alcholic is too much for most of us. In Alanon, you are in real good hands. Blessings, mebjk
Hi nal, I'm sorry to hear about your Dads dog. Sending you all prayers. Grieving is a process and quite individual. By all means offer comfort and support to your Dad in his time of sorrow just as you would a non-A relative. As regards your fear of him picking up again please try to let it go and trust in his HP and program. You are as powerless over his recovery as you were his drinking.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh but please let me explain where it's coming from. My A had just over one and a half years sobriety when his sponsor suddenly died. Initially, I too feared for his sobriety and I wanted to protect him from his pain. This is not my job, recovery is about living life on life's terms and pain is inevitable. I recognised that part of my need to protect him was based on my need to protect me. I was afraid of reliving my pain should he pick up and I wanted to avoid it. In other words it wasn't the wholly loving act I thought it was, my sickness had crept in and I wanted to control again.
Also, I realised that my lack of faith in his recovery could undermine his own confidence. I realised that potentially, by depriving my A of the dignity and opportunity to make his own choices, learn how to apply his program successfully to lifes difficulties etc I could become a part of the problem and not the solution. I needed to get my focus back on me. Obviously, I let my A know I was there to listen and support him in any way I could but I put the onus on him to involve me when he needed it. I could so easily have reverted to old behaviours like enabling, controlling and interfering and I had to work my program harder at this sad time. We both got through it ok. I'm not suggesting this is the case in your situation, just sharing my experience and pointing out a few of the potential pitfalls. Hope it helps.
So sorry about your dad's dog. 
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HUG))))