The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wanted to first of all thank the good folks who were in the chatroom this morning. I knew I belonged in Alanon for a while, but wonder of wonders, I believed I belonged this morning for the first time.
I never realized how impacted I was by the alcoholic behavior in certain family members, namely my father. I thought, sure, my A son was driving me nuts, but I never realized that I was affected by my father's alcoholism. But then a couple people were talking and I realized suddenly that even though they were talking about themselves, they were talking about me.
I mean, growing up wasn't perfect, but I always idolized my dad and never thought he "did" anything that impacted me in a negative way. But in talking about how important it is to me to people please and to go to any lengths to not allow someone to not like me, and how important it was to keep my self-protective walls up and not be vulnerable at any cost, I realized that perhaps I'm a little sicker than I thought I was, and that perhaps growing up in an alcholic home had a little more of an effect than I had originally believed.
I found myself sitting at the computer with tears starting in my eyes - which I typically don't do - at any cost. Somehow you guys found a chink in my armor and got through. Thanks.
Gosh, it's amazing how this program works. When someone shares a little ESH, even in good humor at times, and it's like a spear just pointed directly at my heart, cutting through all the crap and good talk...and I know that I know that I know.
Maybe, just maybe, I can find some healing in these rooms. At least I believe it's possible. I came looking for some relief from my son's behavior. I came looking for a few good tools to pick up to survive. But suddenly I find myself believing that there is more here than that - that perhaps I'll find me in here - and a whole, healthy me at that.
What a great awareness. It is wonderful to have these moments of clarity and have the program to show us that there is a way out. I spent a lot of time knowing that something just was not right, with me, with my marriage, with my husband, but stuffed it all way deep down because I just did not know how to cope with it or where to even begin. It with the help of Al-anon that I am beginning to believe that it is possible to heal, to find the me beneath the onion layers.
A very wise person in Al-anon has paraphrased steps one, two and three for me as follows:
Step one ..... We Came
Step two ..... We Came to (the fog began to lift)
Step three .... We Came to Believe
Sounds to me like you just Came to....Congratulations on your progress...Looking forward to taking this journey in recovery with you...
Thank you so much for the post. I like that thought--maybe I will find me in here. That is a great way to look at it. I just might steal that idea and keep it with me--if you don't mind. I definitely need to find me!
