The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning was bad. As I was getting ready for work, I rememberec i had no cash on me, so I yelled at him i was goingto take the 50 out of his wallet and bring him home 30 tonight. (did I mention it is his bday today!) Its not like it was the only money there, there was a 100 too, so I wasnt cutting him short by any means... and he just got all mad... like he has any right to regulate me! I make just as much money as he does and pay out more then he does for bills. He got really mad when I asked him why he was yelling, i know he isnt a morning person, but why this reaction to me taking some money to get gas and eat today... just didnt make sense...
Maybe it is because it is his birthday, and he knows I dont want him drunk, his mom and brother were suppose to come over for dinner tonight...
Me asking him why he was so upset didnt make things better, i just got called a bitch, and some other screams I dont remember... This did get a reaction out of me... I slammed the bedroom door so hard i nearly knocked pictures off the wall. This was just what he was looking for, an excuse. After that he said he wouldnt be coming home tonight.
I didnt let it go there either... I told him if he didnt come home tonight not to bother comming home at all ever! i dont know if he will not come home or not, but i will file for seperation. not that i like the option, but what am I suppose to do? he keeps saying he will do whatever it takes to save ourr marriage, but his actions say the oppisite. I dont know what to do...
It is really easy to react to an A sometimes the pent up emotions just have to come out. I always find that when things are going wrong my first instinct is - that's it I have had enough I am leaving etc. I always come to the board when I am feeling that way. The esh I receive always tells me to wait until I am calm before making any major decisions. I am not trying to tell you either to stay or leave that is your choice. There is also a full moon at the moment which tends to heighten our emotions. See how you are feeling in a few days time. We are learning to detach but sometimes it is really hard to keep our mouths shut - I know I am very guilty of it. Keep your chin up, use the al-anon tools and hugs across the miles. Luv Leo xx
I am sorry you had a bad morning...being cursed at and called a bitch is something I would not tolerate. Fortunately I have never had that nasty problem. But if you are ready and willing to accept that kind of abuse, then try to remember that he is reacting in a typically alcoholic way. There is no reasoning to his attitude, just lashing out. Walking out the door without comment but with the 50 would have been the best way to handle this, but we are all human, and being so, once in a while we must release pent up emotion. Don't be hard on yourself. What you did is no different than the rest of us have done time and time again.
Two steps forward, one back. It happens. Now go ahead and have yourself a better afternoon!!!!!!!
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 11:26, 2006-04-13
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
When I read the topic for your post, I remembered something that has helped me along the way. When I react the way I've been used to reacting, and when I want so much to be different, I tell myself: "Big Surprise!" That helps me get on with my life, and not obsess about something I have done. Thanks so much for sharing. Have a day filled with blessings! mebjk
I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of that! It is very, very difficult not to react to a situation like that. I agree with what some of the others have said, it is usually best for me to take a time out and cool off if I have had a bad reaction to one of my AW's episoces. It is much easier to think clearly after that, and I can restart the detaching mode again. I sincerely hope things go better with the remainder of your day!
You deserve a break today!! No one deserves that kind of abuse. I'm glad you got away from it and got it off your chest here. Go on with your day, I hope it gets a whole lot better!!
Don't worry about if he comes home or not, worry about what you can do for you tonight. Goodness sakes, you have it coming after this morning.
Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Sorry you had a bad day hun. I have been called many awful things by my Husband. Its frustrating and hurtful and then i remind myself that its the alcohol talking and not the man who loves me and who i love in return. Ive also started walking out when he starts yelling and pushing for a fight. Our dogs bark in his face now when he starts yelling too. I hope your day got better. :) (((msykesp)))
i thought of something else after i posted. This sometimes helps me too. I am so thankful to whomever wrote this:
Serenity Prayer God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference;
Living one day at a time; Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it:
Trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next.
