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Hi everyone - I am setting a boundary and need some positive support on it.
My son has been gone the past two weekends with his dad, this coming weekend he wants to go with his dad on Friday to get his cousins and spend the night and take them to the airport on Saturday. He said he will stay with me the next weekend.
The last time I agreed to change weekends, my husband and I rescheduled a trip. My son and his dad decided not to switch weekends after all, neither one of them told me. When I did find out I had to reschedule my trip again.
I told my son this change of schedule had to be written down and signed by him and his dad. Only then would I agree to the change. My son is going over to his dad's tonight and I told him to come home with the note tomorrow. If he does not, I am not going to let him change weekends.
I have to now follow through with my boundary. I feel very strong about this, I think it is taking care of me and teaching my son some responsibility. I also feel like it is going to show my ex husband that I am not going to change my plans without having an agreement in writing that will be carried out.
I can relate. I have tried to be flexible for almost eight years. If I don't have plans or kids sports I don't care. But he gets mad when it doesn't go his way, although he will go months at a time with no contact at all. Since I started Alanon, I have relaxed and we are much better friends and can discuss things rationally. And of course, the kids have a louder voice now too and that is what really matters, where do they want to be. I only demand vacation time with extended family and an occaisional holiday. Most holidays we do on other days, so kids don't have to choose, especially now that they have a niece. I don't want them to miss out on that. I guess I just learned to relax and let it go, does it matter? Not to me, I would rather have happy kids than one put in the middle. I put them first over my own desires, they are only days. But I have them most weekends anyway because of sports, because he won't drive them to events out of town. I don't know your situation. I just know I feel so much better not fighting with him and my kids are so glad we are getting along after 8 years. You should see there faces when we are all together in the same room.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
